From PRAY FOR MY CHILD:
Republican city councilman Mark Harris, who is described as a “good military man” and “churchgoer,” was convicted of repeatedly having sex with an 11-year-old girl and sentenced to 12 years in prison.
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Republican businessman Jon Grunseth withdrew his candidacy for Minnesota governor after allegations surfaced that he went swimming in the nude with four underage girls, including his daughter.
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Republican director of the “Young Republican Federation” Nicholas Elizondo molested his 6-year old daughter and was sentenced to six years in prison.
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Democratic California Congressman, Tony Cárdenas, is being sued in LA County for allegedly sexually abused a 16-year-old girl.
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Democratic aide to Senator Barbara Boxer, Jeff Rosato, plead guilty to charges of trading in child pornography.
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Democratic Alaskan State Representative, Dean Westlake, resigned from his seat after the media published a report alleging he fathered a child with a 16-year-old girl when he was 28.
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Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr., was charged with rape for allegedly paying a 15-year old girl for sex. Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren, has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women.
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Democratic donor and billionaire, Jeffrey Epstein, ran an underage child sex brothel and was convicted of soliciting underage girls for prostitution.
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Democratic New York Congressman, Anthony Weiner, plead guilty to transferring obscene material to a minor as part of a plea agreement for sexted and sending Twitter DMs to underage girls as young as 15.
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Democratic donor, activist, and Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein is being criminally prosecuted and civilly sued for years of sexual abuse (that was well known “secret” in Hollywood) including underage sexual activities with aspiring female actresses.
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Democratic activist and #metoo proponent, Asia Argento, settled a lawsuit for sexual harassment stemming from sexual activities with an underage actor.
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Democratic Mayor of Racine, Wisconsin, Gary Becker, was convicted of attempted child seduction, child pornography, and other child sex crimes.
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Democratic Seattle Mayor Ed Murray resigned after multiple accusations of child sexual abuse were levied against him including by family members.
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Democratic activist and aid to NYC Mayor De Blasio, Jacob Schwartz was arrested on possession of 3,000+ child pornographic images.
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Democratic activist and actor, Russell Simmons, was sued based on an allegation of sexual assault where he coerced an underage model for sex.
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Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks was charged with molesting a 12-year old boy and possession of child pornography.
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Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex with his 12-year old baby sitter and withdrew his candidacy after the allegations were reported in the media.
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Republican preacher Stephen White, who demanded a return to traditional values, was sentenced to jail after offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.
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Republican talk show host Jon Matthews pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an 11 year old girl.
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Republican anti-gay activist Earl “Butch” Kimmerling was sentenced to 40 years in prison for molesting an 8-year old girl after he attempted to stop a gay couple from adopting her.
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Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters and served 14 years in federal prison.
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Democratic Governor of Oregon, Neil Goldschmidt, after being caught by a newspaper, publicly admitted to having a past sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl after the statute of limitations on the rape charges had expired.
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Democratic Illinois Congressman, Mel Reynolds resigned from Congress after he was convicted of statutory rape of a 16-year-old campaign volunteer.
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Democratic New York Congressman, Fred Richmond, was arrested in Washington D.C. for soliciting sex from a 16-year-old boy.
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Democratic activist, donor, and director, Roman Polanski, fled the country after pleading guilty to statutory rape of a 13-year-old girl.
Democrats and Hollywood actors still defend him to this day, including, Whoopi Goldberg, Martin Scorcese, Woody Allen, David Lynch, Wim Wenders, Pedro Almodovar, Tilda Swinton and Monica Bellucci.
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Democratic State Senator from Alaska, George Jacko, was found guilty of sexual harassment of an underage legislative page.
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Democratic State Representative candidate for Colorado, Andrew Myers, was convicted for possession of child pornography and enticing children.
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Democratic Illinois Congressman, Gus Savage was investigated by the Democrat-controlled House Committee on Ethics for attempting to rape an underage female Peace Corps volunteer in Zaire. The Committee concluded that while the events did occur his apology was sufficient and took no further action.
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Democratic activist, donor, and spokesperson for Subway, Jared Fogle, was convicted of distribution and receipt of child pornography and traveling to engage in illicit sexual conduct with a minor.
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Democratic State Department official, Carl Carey, under Hillary Clinton’s state department, was arrested on ten counts of child porn possession.
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Democratic Maine Assistant Attorney General, James Cameron, was sentenced to just over 15 years in federal prison for seven counts of child porn possession, receipt and transmission.
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Democratic State Department official, Daniel Rosen, under Hillary Clinton’s state department, was arrested and charged with allegedly soliciting sex from a minor over the internet.
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Democratic State Department official, James Cafferty, pleaded guilty to one count of transportation of child pornography.
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Democratic radio host, Bernie Ward, plead guilty to one count of sending child pornography over the Internet.
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Democratic deputy attorney general from California, Raymond Liddy, was arrested for possession of child pornography.
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Republican activist Marty Glickman (a.k.a. “Republican Marty”), was taken into custody by Florida police on four counts of unlawful sexual activity with an underage girl and one count of delivering the drug LSD.
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Republican election board official Kevin Coan was sentenced to two years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a 14-year old girl.
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Republican politician Andrew Buhr was charged with two counts of first degree sodomy with a 13-year old boy.
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Republican politician Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of 16 (i.e. exposing himself to children).
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Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was charged with sexual misconduct involving a 15-year old girl.
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Republican County Councilman Keola Childs pleaded guilty to molesting a male child.
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Republican activist John Butler was charged with criminal sexual assault on a teenage girl.
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Republican candidate Richard Gardner admitted to molesting his two daughters.
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Republican Councilman and former Marine Jack W. Gardner was convicted of molesting a 13-year old girl.
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Republican County Commissioner Merrill Robert Barter pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual contact and assault on a teenage boy.
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Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to raping a 15 year-old girl and served 6-months in prison.
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Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison and fined $18,000.
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Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in his possession.
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Republican strategist and Citadel Military College graduate Robin Vanderwall was convicted in Virginia on five counts of soliciting sex from boys and girls over the internet.
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Republican Tim Nolan, chairman of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign in Kentucky, pled guilty to child sex trafficking and on February 11, 2018 he was sentenced to serve 20 years in prison.
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Republican state Senator Ralph Shortey was indicted on four counts of human trafficking and child pornography. In November 2017, he pleaded guilty to one count of child sex trafficking in exchange for the dropping of the other charges.
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Republican anti-abortion activist Howard Scott Heldreth is a convicted child rapist in Florida.
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Republican County Commissioner David Swartz pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 11 and was sentenced to 8 years in prison.
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Republican judge Mark Pazuhanich pleaded no contest to fondling a 10-year old girl and was sentenced to 10 years probation.
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Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to anybody who murders an abortion doctor.
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Republican legislator Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping his daughter between the ages of 9 and 17.
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Republican Mayor Philip Giordano is serving a 37-year sentence in federal prison for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year old girls.
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Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl.
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Republican Senator Strom Thurmond, a notable racist, had sex with a 15-year old black girl which produced a child.
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Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the 2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a sexual affair with a female juvenile.
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Republican legislator Peter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old girl.
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Republican Congressman Donald “Buz” Lukens was found guilty of having sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail.
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Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child porn charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexual photos.
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Republican activist Mark A. Grethen convicted on six counts of sex crimes involving children.
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Republican activist Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child. Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a female minor working as a congressional page.
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Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell admitted to an incestuous relationship with his step daughter.
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Republican congressman and anti-gay activist Robert Bauman was charged with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar.
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Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for distributing a video clip of a 5-year-old girl being raped.
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Democratic Illinois State Representative, Keith Farnham, has resigned and was charged with possession of child pornography and has been accused of bragging at an online site about sexually molesting a 6-year-old girl.
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Democratic spokesperson for the Arkansas Democratic Party, Harold Moody, Jr, was charged with distribution and possession of child pornography.
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Democratic Radnor Township Board of Commissioners member, Philip Ahr, resigned from his position after being charged with possession of child pornography and abusing children between 2 and 6 years-old.
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Democratic activist and BLM organizer, Charles Wade, was arrested and charged with human trafficking and underage prostitution.
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Democratic Texas attorney and activist, Mark Benavides, was charged with having sex with a minor, inducing a child under 18 to have sex and compelling prostitution of at least nine legal clients and possession of child pornography. He was found guilty on six counts of sex trafficking.
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Democratic Virginia Delegate, Joe Morrissey, was indicted on charges connected to his relationship with a 17-year-old girl and was charged with supervisory indecent liberties with a minor, electronic solicitation of a minor, possession of child pornography and distribution of child pornography.
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Democratic Massachusetts Congressman, Gerry Studds, was censured by the House of Representatives after he admitted to an inappropriate relationship with a 17-year-old page.
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Democratic Former Mayor of Stillwater, New York, Rick Nelson was plead guilty to five counts of possession of child pornography of children less than 16 years of age.
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Democratic Former Mayor of Clayton, New York, Dale Kenyon, was indicted for sexual acts against a teenager.
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Democratic Former Mayor of Hubbard, Ohio, Richard Keenan, was given a life sentence in jail for raping a 4-year-old girl.
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Democratic Former Mayor of Winston, Oregeon, Kenneth Barrett, was arrested for setting up a meeting to have sex with a 14-year-old girl who turned out to be a police officer.
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Democratic Former Mayor of Randolph, Nebraska, Dwayne L. Schutt, was arrested and charged with four counts of felony third-degree sexual assault of a child and one count of intentional child abuse.
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Democratic Former Mayor of Dawson, Georgia, Christopher Wright, was indicted on the charges of aggravated child molestation, aggravated sodomy, rape, child molestation and statutory rape of an 11-year-old boy and a 12-year-old girl.
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Democratic Former Mayor of Stockton, California, Anthony Silva, was charged with providing alcohol to young adults during a game of strip poker that included a 16-year-old boy at a camp for underprivileged children run by the mayor.
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Democratic Former Mayor of Millbrook, New York, Donald Briggs, was arrested and charged with inappropriate sexual contact with a person younger than 17.
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Democratic party leader for Victoria County, Texas, Stephen Jabbour, plead guilty to possession and receiving over half a million child pornographic images.
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Democratic activist and fundraiser, Terrence Bean, was arrested on charges of sodomy and sex abuse in a case involving a 15-year-old boy and when the alleged victim declined to testify, and the judge dismissed the case.
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Democratic Party Chairman for Davidson County, Tennessee, Rodney Mullin, resigned amid child pornography allegations.
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Democratic activist, Andrew Douglas Reed, pleaded guilty to a multiple counts of 2nd-degree sexual exploitation of a minor for producing child pornography.
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Democratic official from Terre Haute, Indiana, David Roberts was sentenced to federal prison for producing and possessing child pornography including placing hidden cameras in the bedrooms and bathrooms at a home he shared with two minor female victims.
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And there are probably many more well-known artists, activists and government official child molesters. If you know have more names, comment below and I will add them to the list.
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How is it in your country? Are politicians also molesting children?

After my night in the underground tomb, I had collapsed in the lab, because it had seemed like the only place I could go.
I don't know if I dreamed of anything but I was awakened by the strange idea that I was hearing food talking to me. One voice getting louder finally woke me enough to realise I was stiff and sore from a strange sleeping position. I tried moving and found myself wedged into a ball, which reminded me I was in a cardboard box. A voice came closer and called my name. Rushana's voice.
Vague shapes surrounding me collapsed into more defined forms. Surfaces became clear, and the lab resolved around me in an unfamiliar orientation. I opened my eyes and found myself looking at the underside of my desk, and some faint grey window light peeking in. I mentally groaned and moved to tip the box on its side, which helped wake me up a bit more. I saw the wheels of my chair in front of my face and further away two pairs of shoes, the smaller of which were Rushana's. My backpack was still in my arms, and I slowly pulled it open and dragged the binders out one by one, pushing them out from under the desk towards her feet, then the two film canisters, and finally the fat manila envelope with the photos.
I didn't want her to see me, not like I was, so I unhooked the strips in my waistband and tried shifting. Surprisingly, it happened almost with ease on my first big intake of breath, and suddenly I was mind-blind and sprawled on the floor under my desk, surrounded by the rocks I'd dumped out earlier. After a few more breaths, I rolled, righted my box, and started labouriously putting the rocks back. My hands shook from weakness. Then I slowly crawled out, grabbing my chair as an unstable support to help me up. My eyes felt dry and scratchy, and I had a headache. They never showed this part in Indiana Jones films, did they?
I was not expecting to see Marcus watching me carefully from where he stood, while Rushana started picking up the stuff from the floor, moving her gaze between it and me.
"You look pretty bad," she said finally. I nodded, and realised I was very, very thirsty and had an awful dirt taste in my mouth. I dropped my backpack on my chair, pulled out my empty water bottle and weaved my way unsteadily to the sink in the rock room, where we washed samples and wet-sieved, and filled it up. I couldn't remember if it was potable water but I didn't care and drank the whole bottle, then filled it up again and drank most of that, before making my way back to my desk.
Rushana had carried the stuff over to her desk, where she had a lamp on and was paging through one of the binders. Marcus was standing next to her, going through the photographs from the envelope. I glanced at his wrist, but it was covered by the sleeve of a lab coat. We only wear those when working with the solvents or anything that would ruin cloth, so he clearly had it on to hide his wrist. I let my eyes drift to one of the small windows, which showed a grey patch of sky, and checked the time on my phone. I seemed to have trouble making sense of the numbers on the screen, and squinted at it for several moments before they finally resolved. Just after eleven in the morning.
"This is great," Rushana said as she paged through the second binder.
"This is awful," Marcus said, tossing the photos and envelope down on her desk. He looked at me. "What happened?"
I moved my bag to my desk and flopped in my chair in exhaustion. I gestured at him. "You're still here." My voice was a croak.
"Yep," he replied in a solemn voice. "You definitely missed a lot of fun." He stopped as if he'd thought of something, then continued. "There was, um, an incident." I gave him a dark look. He held his hands up. "Not my doing!"
"The missing guys showed up," Rushana said. She explained that security found Robbins wandering out of wherever they had locked him in, and that ultimately there were two other infected people around as well, actively attacking the security people. Everyone was running around and Rushana had seen that one of the temporary desks was empty of people. She used a cloned badge to unlock a computer, and had found and made changes to the report about Marcus, substituting Robbin's name and changing the monster category to NEW/UNKNOWN. The slug creatures were still under that category, she added.
I frowned, my brain filled with headache, tiredness and muddled thoughts. She had a "cloned badge"? Infected people missing for days just showed up? The timing sure seemed convenient. I think maybe I didn't ask further because it also all seemed far away from me at the moment. Did it matter?
"And Lembree? The guy who made the report?" I asked.
"He's in the med tent right now," Rushana said. "Someone really messed him up during the night."
I didn't say anything, but glared at Marcus again, who again raised his palms to me and attempted an innocent expression.
"Not me! I was in here." I must not have looked convinced. "If I had gone after him, there wouldn't be anything left to sit in a med tent," he insisted, which I did believe. He pulled back his lab coat sleeve to show a tan bandage wrapped a few times around his wrist. "That thing gave me a surprise nap right when I got the saw through it." Rushana almost laughed with a sigh and shook her head.
"I heard something and found him on the floor," she said, "with the band mostly off. I think he triggered the injection of the knock-out drugs, so I pulled the rest of it off and dragged him out of the rock room." She made a face. "It's not a good idea to pass out above a running saw, you know." Marcus shook his head in agreement.
That seemed to be all they had to say, and both were looking at me expectantly.
"Fine. So here's what I ran into," I began with a rasp in my voice, and told them of the records room, the lack of air, the slugs driving me the other direction, and finally the underground tomb. I left out the part about the slugs dying, but I still had trouble getting through the description of what I saw down there.
"Under the barracks?" Rushana asked in an incredulous tone when I finished. "Something like that, practically underneath us, all this time," she mused, shaking her head. I could see her already thinking of what to do with this new information. This would absolutely crush RM and BioSens if this got out. Especially BioSens.
My eyes lost focus and I was back in that room, staring at something's dead face with its silent scream. I put my hands over my face and everyone was still a moment. Then I realised that not only did my hands smell of dirt, but everything smelled. I was filthy and starving.
"I really, really need to eat something," I muttered. "And a shower." I stood up carefully and wobbled, wondering which problem I should tackle first.
"Hey, no. Stay here. We'll bring something," Marcus said quickly.
"No, I'll bring something," Rushana interrupted. "You," she pointed at Marcus, "still can't badge into anything until six tonight. It was the one thing I couldn't get to change right away." She looked at me. "What should I get?"
"Everything," I answered immediately. "Just bring whatever you can carry the most of."
"Bring coffee too," Marcus added.
We had a strict no-food policy in the lab. Very strict. Except when we found ourselves late in the evening behind screens and still not finished with whatever we were working on… or when the world was in disarray and nothing was safe, I guess.
As soon as Rushana was out, Marcus did one of those sudden movements, springing up to peer out the small high window to watch her walk away. I wondered if he'd just stopped bothering to adjust his movement style around us. I also remembered I was still a little scared to be alone in a room with him. He turned back to me.
"Okay. Now tell me what happened last night," he said.
I shrugged. "I did."
He walked back to Rushana's desk area, shaking his head. "No. You smell."
"Yeah, I need a fucking shower after crawling around underground all night long. And food. And more sleep."
"That's not what I mean." He pushed his glasses up. "This whole room stinks like stale terror and... other stuff. Something happened. What did you do?"
I looked at him a moment, then fell back down in my chair. "I don't exactly know," I said tiredly.
"Describe it then."
I rubbed my forehead with the back of my hand, which really wasn't any cleaner than the palm side. I'm not sure why I decided to even say anything. "I was in that room full of dead people, freaking out at what BioSens did. I was really... angry. Like..." I shook my head and looked around the room, searching for words. "I've never felt that way before." I looked down at my feet, which I realised were still bare because I hadn't put my sandals back on. They were covered with mud and dust, all under the nails and everything. "Those... the hairy slugs were coming in, and I was so pissed, and scared of them, and I sort of... sort of threw that at them. And they died." I didn't look up. "A monster," I wheezed.
He didn't say anything.
"We're all awful, aren't we? The Upper World is afraid of monsters killing people, and then BioSens buried people alive after torturing them." I waived my hand around tiredly. "Now I might have just killed a bunch of things because I wasn't feeling good?" I was still a little out of sorts, because suddenly a thought came to me and I'd already blurted it out before I could catch myself. "You eat people?"
He was very still but answered me. "Not generally, no." He paused. "Don't take that to mean that they can't be food. It means I'm not stupid."
Not generally, huh? "Those people I read about, on the network page. They were being eaten bit by bit."
He sighed. "A terrible introduction for the broader Upper World, isn't it? But that was more like..." he thought a bit. "Suppose you were an extraterrestrial visiting Earth, and the first example of human beings you met was... Erm. Florida Man."
I blinked at him.
He shook his head again. "That page... that page is just a disaster. The only good thing about it as far as I'm concerned is the name they came up with for us, the official one." He raised his eyebrows. "Named after a geologist, actually. A good omen, no?"
I shrugged, and my stomach growled loudly. "Shhhh," I told it. I hoped Rushana came back soon. I looked at Marcus again.
"You need to get out of here," I told him. "If Lembree doesn't die, he's going to talk to the team that should have arrived here this morning, if he hasn't already. Or that other one, the kid. His name is probably still in the report. They'll talk to him, surely."
"I'm working on that," he replied. "Ideally, I find some way of doing it officially and with nothing on my record." His voice changed to disappointment. "I worked hard on this identity."
Rushana came back, with lots of everything and even coffee. The smell alone made me want to collapse, it was amazing. Just as I don't smoke as a human, I generally don't drink coffee as one either, but I threw that rule out and drank several cups while consuming everything I could fit in one sitting. Rushana also ate something and we managed to temporarily push the previous night out of our minds.
"Lots of 'apatite' as usual," Marcus quipped, motioning as I added more to the plate I had emptied twice already. He could have been making the usual bad joke, or maybe it was some oblique reference to my teeth. Enamel is a form of apatite.
Rushana rolled her eyes. "You're a real beryl of laughs."
"My sediments exactly!" he replied.
"Rushana, no. Don't encourage him," I groaned. These get old after hundreds of times, but I guess some people can't help themselves. Fortunately nobody made a "throw up and heave out" reference while we were eating. Marcus meanwhile had coffee with more of that red stuff in it.
"Seriously?" I asked, gesturing to his cup. "People will think you're a vampire."
"Caffeine blocks iron absorption so I add more," he said defensively.
"It's the polyphenols, not the caffeine," Rushana corrected him. "And you're just wasting good iron taking it with the coffee. Wait two hours first."
"Listen to the former biologist," I told him. "You realise London Drugs sells cheap iron pills, right?"
"So? I make this in the lab for free," he replied. I scowled in disgust. Yuck.
As we finished, we started talking about random stupid things, even having a silly argument on the theories that dolomite might actually be amazing amounts of bacterial poo or space rain. These are real questions, and science demands answers. Possibly another reason geologists drink so much.
As we finally got up to start cleaning up, Marcus stood next to Rushana and squinted at me theatrically. "She looks better now, doesn't she?" he asked her. She nodded, also looking at me. "Much better." Then she spoke to me. "Your eyes aren't coppery anymore, and you don't look like the walking dead."
I stopped what I was doing. "What?"
She nodded at me. "Yeah, you didn't look quite right when we woke you up. I think you can probably hit the showers now without attracting the wrong attention."
I had no idea my eye colour hadn't changed back. I thought it always did. To be sure, I checked the mirror in the compass in my desk. Light brown, as always nowadays. After a thought, I checked my teeth too. Normal human teeth. But there was dirt over the edges of my face where I hadn't washed it off before eating. I headed straight to a shower and spent the rest of the day with scrubbed-raw skin. I still felt like I didn't get it all off. I kept thinking there was still something in my hair, kept getting whiffs of that dead room.
I didn't know what would happen next. Rushana had her incriminating documents and Marcus was working on a way to get out legally before Lembree got out of medical, but none of us were scheduled to be finished and shipping out for another two weeks. I ended up sleeping a lot that day and the next, ignoring all my work duties while my brain recycled the underground tomb endlessly. I spent a lot of time fantasising telling RM that I quit and just walking off into the woods forever. Ha. As if they'd ever let me.
What did happen surprised me enough that I must have entertained the idea that things would work out. Instead, Lembree happened.
The whole site had been calmer as far as incidents after two nights earlier, but there were now even more security people around and a lot of workers were being sent home or to other stations. Our team was basically grounded. And then Rushana just vanished.
I hadn't seen her for over a day and was on my cot staring into space when I realised I was hearing a lot of noise outside. I rolled off the cot and opened my cabin's door, looking for the source. Lots of people yelling over loud machinery. Then I saw it was the barracks.
I was outside and running towards it before I realised what I was doing. I watched from just a few meters away, gaping, as someone used a backhoe to knock over the flimsy wooden walls of the far side of the barracks and push away a pile of stuff that looked like metal strips and chunks of wood. The aluminium shelving and the pallets, probably. Several people in full tactical gear and those burn guns gathered to the spot while someone pulled open the metal door in the ground that I'd pushed myself through just two nights earlier.
They knew. Someone had told them about the underground room. My heart pounded while my brain fought between watching them and going somewhere to puke. Instead I decided to head for the lab, but didn't make it far. As I approached I saw uniformed people walking in and out both doors. I stood there a moment staring at the surreal scene of what looked like soldiers hurrying around me, when someone grabbed my upper arm and said my name.
I was too dazed to jump, and turned to see someone in a security uniform right next to me. They pulled and lead me not to the security portacabin as I'd expected, but over to the main building. This time I was taken upstairs, where I'd not visited even once my whole time at the site, to a room with a newly-installed electric door which looked like an office.
I was half pushed in and the door closed behind me. This room had a large window facing the site outside the front of the building, and I was not alone. Fear raced through me when I saw Lembree sitting behind a large desk, already giving me that beady-eyed stare. He had a large scratch on one cheek, a bandage around his head, and one of his arms was in a sling. Marcus was sitting across from him, still wearing his lab coat. He did not look up as I entered. Next to Lembree was another man. Instead of a security uniform, he wore a dark suit and tie. His frizzy, greying hair was clipped short, and his dark skin was smoother than Lembree's. Likely around the same age, but this man stayed indoors more, away from the weathering elements that had chiseled Lembree's face.
I remained standing where I'd ended up, looking everywhere but at Lembree's creepy scowl, hugging my arms and trying not to visibly shiver.
"Sit," Lembree barked. I obediently walked to the remaining chair, also across the desk from the security men but spaced a good distance away from Marcus, and sat down. The chair was one of those metal things with the flat plastic seat and plastic plate for your back, and rather big. I pulled my feet up, leaving my sandals on the floor, and tucked them underneath me tailor-style. Clearly shit had gone too far to worry about looking professional. I was certain this was where they told me I was fired and I'd be living the rest of my short lifespan in some concrete facility somewhere.
The man in the suit did not introduce himself, and instead looked down at paper in his hands, what I assumed was a file on me. He asked me to confirm my name, job title, and start date, all of which I answered in the affirmative. Lembree kept staring at me, so I kept my eyes on the man in the suit. I wondered if Lembree was maybe really an android, because I swear the man never blinked.
"Do you have anything to say?" the man in the suit asked me. I frowned at him. What? Why wasn't Rushana in here? They knew about the barracks, meaning they probably also knew about the little record room. Maybe she'd been fucking with me. Maybe she'd been working with RM this whole time.
"Where's Rushana?" I asked. I'd intended to say it normally but it came out almost a whisper.
Lembree snorted. "Trying to talk her way out of prison time, I reckon," he drawled. This time it was my turn to glare as my fear turned to anger. She wasn't the one who'd buried a bunch of people alive forty years ago; these fucking corporate wankstains were.
"Are you going to do to us what you did to those people I found in the ground?" I asked with a snarl.
Lembree actually laughed. "Ho, I almost wish. Get rid of you critters and keep y'all away from us."
I sucked in a breath through my teeth, ready to yell at him I think, when Marcus interjected with an explanation for me.
"Ah, turns out Rushana wasn't working to expose all this in order to right a wrong." I looked at him. He seemed resigned and a little confused. "She's working for another Corporate Family, getting help from them. ZPG."
Zhang Publishing Group. They owned a lot of media and communication companies. The relationships are complex, but it seemed immediately obvious to me that releasing a story like what had happened here would earn them brownie points on the Upper World's little socio-political ladder, while pushing RM and BioSens down. Suddenly many things made more sense; ZPG resources had let her get Marcus approved for work at this site, the cloned security badge, maybe even the simultaneous appearance of the infected people and Robbins getting loose. That fucking devious little…
"Did you know that?" I asked Marcus angrily. He shook his head. I thought he was probably telling the truth. The man in the suit simply leaned back in his chair, watching everyone in the room with a poker face.
"Y'all got duped by her," Lembree sniggered. "Good thing I'm a sneaky bastard." He held up a small black thing, which I thought at first was a USB stick. "Thought it was weird how they had a Westie doing search jobs at some low-prio backwater." He peered at me like at a bug through a microscope, which made me shrink away from him. "I looked you up. They honest-to-God let you do sciencey dirt work, but that you were here and then my people were called to deal with unknown monsters didn't smell like a coincidence to me." He looked down the black thing in his hand. "Turned out it probably was, but I went and bugged that laboratory of yours in a few places as soon as you were done sniffing that bug goop."
I stared at him, and he chuckled again. "And I was right; weren't none of you what you pretended to be."
"We're not pretending," I protested. I couldn't believe it. The fucker had been listening to us for weeks!
"He is," the man in the suit said, pointing at Marcus.
"No he isn't!" I said. I realised I had stood up and was also pointing at Marcus. "He's one of the best fucking scientists I've worked with!" I looked at Marcus. "He should have just stayed away from the steaming pile known as RM and stuck to doing work that actually benefits the world—" I looked back at both men on the other side of the desk, "—instead of helping scuzzy Corporate Families discover each other's fucking crimes."
"Sit down," Lembree said in a low growl. I was angry but I sat.
The man in the suit leaned back in his chair, which was a more comfortable sort than the metal things the rest of us were sitting on, and steepled his fingers. "Here's what's going to happen..." He paused.
My heartrate went up and my hands were fists. I felt angry and helpless and scared, which made me more angry.
"We'll work it out with ZPG about their little spy. It was a good play," his voice had a tinge of admiration, "but they lost."
That phrasing pissed me off. It was like everything that had happened was just a big stupid game to them. But of course it was.
"We're going to empty and bulldoze in those structures underground and send a fire team to deal with the new monster species," he continued, looking at me in particular. "It was an unfortunate event, and RM is going to demand a response from BioSens for putting us in this, er, compromising and expensive position, but there's no point in going further with that. It happened and cannot be undone."
My mouth hung open. Again, it wasn't exactly surprising, yet I still couldn't believe I was actually hearing it said out loud, and so matter-of-factly. I glanced at Marcus, who was shaking his head at me with a warning look.
"As for the two of you," he continued, looking at me, "you are going to be moved off this project. Your case manager will be fully informed, and you'll be asked to stay home until a new work assignment comes along." Stay at home usually meant at least staying in the city I lived in with the idea that someone would be actively watching me, but I wasn't actually confined to my one-room rental. I frowned. I hadn't done anything wrong, but RM might decide to ask the organisation which oversaw me to reduce my privileges anyway while they decided what to finally do with me.
The man turned to face Marcus. "You are a different problem," he said finally.
"Am I a problem?" Marcus asked. The man in the suit studied him a moment. "I was asked to help uncover possible documents about a terrible event," Marcus continued. He held up a finger, "An event I already knew much about. However, that didn't work out." He shrugged. "RM is now also fully aware of what happened, and I am happy to walk away and never deal with Corporate Family games ever again." He gave the man a dim look. "I would hope that RM agrees that something like experimenting on my people again is fully off the table in the future."
The man in the suit looked a little surprised, and smiled. It was a nasty shark smile. "Ah, the guilt play. Good move." What an irritating fucking shitgibbon this guy was. I wanted to strangle him.
Lembree was looking at the man with irritation too, but for different reasons. "I don't get you," he said.
The man looked back at him, eyebrows raised.
Lembree threw his uninjured hand out towards Marcus. "You're not really considering letting Dr Zoidberg here walk away from this, are you?"
"Ha! Good one," Marcus said sarcastically.
The man in the suit continued looking at Lembree. "You're a De Real. Supposedly an expert in dealing with all things inhuman." Lembree didn't reply, but just stared at the man with his unblinking black eyes. The man continued. "So you know that this individual has been in near constant communication with all others of his sort this whole time." Lembree's face remained unchanged, but he said nothing back.
The man set his hands on the desk, and started speaking in a different tone. "RM has discovered that another Family, with whom it had a partnership, performed heinous acts on Company property without RM's knowledge or approval. A member of an aggrieved party sought to bring these events to light, and while RM admits no responsibility for the terrible acts, it is grateful to have been informed. In order to convey our deepest regrets and to show we mean no further harm, we wish the representative of the aggrieved party well, and the party as a whole, in future endeavours."
I blinked.
"Wow," Marcus said. "Do you practice that in front of a mirror every day?"
"Get out, please," the man said to him. His shark smile was back.
Marcus stood up, gave me a goofy little salute, and thumbed his nose at Lembree as he walked out. I could have sworn I also heard him mutter the word "asshole" as he left. Lembree glowered at the door as it closed.
I was indeed shipped out later that day, first to the Horizon North camp, then back on a bus to the small town depot, where someone literally stayed outside my motel room overnight, and from there an RM employee drove me back to the building in the city where I lived. I dragged my heavy duffel all the way up the several flights of stairs to my small room, since the elevator in my building is always broken. I didn't particularly want to be in an elevator any time soon anyway.
I unlocked my nearing-end-of-life door and stood in the doorway, looking at a stale little room made dim by closed window blinds. It would be better with some plants, but my schedule of being gone for weeks at a time wasn't conducive to keeping things alive, just as it didn't help with having friends or knowing my neighbours. I love being in the field, but fieldwork is hard on you in several ways. I considered for the bazillionth time working towards being a GIS and DB expert like Kish. Get some nine-to-five office gig. It had taken me the whole trip home to finally believe that my luck was real. I was still alive, still employed, and not locked in a hole somewhere.
I did bring back one rock. It was a small, pale, euhedral quartz which I'd found hand-augering a soil sample out far from the area with the buildings, a remnant of stuff carried by the glacier which had covered that basin millennia ago. There'd been other interesting rocks in my box but had dumped them all out. Leaverite. I didn't really want to remember this job anyway. I set the quartz on my windowsill, one of the many places covered with rocks, along with my bookshelves already groaning with textbooks, atlases and mineral guides, my work desk, and my little kitchen countertop. I know; the whole rocks on the countertop thing needs to be stopped sooner rather than later.
I desperately wanted to fill my brain with other things to cover up the memories of what I'd seen, and was actually happy to get a new work assignment two weeks later: a phase 1 nearby, meaning I could be home every night. Anyway, it was better than sitting in my room alone, writing more useless emails to everyone I could think of in my endless petition to let me get my Master's, and continuing my check-ins with my case manager. The Upper World's argument against me getting more schooling is that, due to my short life span, they'd rather my time was spent earning my position economically in their world. I keep arguing that you can do actual work while getting a Master's, but so far I haven't gotten anywhere. I think they like being able to just shuttle me around more entry-level things.
I wondered if I'd run into Rushana again. RM couldn't block her from the field, just maybe keep her off certain projects. Would I work with her without punching her in the face? She fucking played me. But yeah, probably. I can be a professional. I'd just never trust her again. And I wondered whether Marcus had actually gotten away and was hiding in some hole, or if they just went after him later. Some reali really enjoy a good old-fashioned monster hunt, and it probably hadn't been smart of him to deliberately piss off Lembree like he did.
I didn't hear anything in the Upper World news over the last few months, which was pretty much what I'd expected. I did hear through the RM grapevine that they'd just razed the whole area up there, buried and burned everything, abandoning the site entirely. The entire geology team had been decimated and that ground was cursed now, so that didn't surprise me too much. But still, they won. They got to bury their dirty secret in the ground, and my already dim view of the Upper World became much darker.
I also tried to stop worrying about whether that darkness surrounding me from the Upper World wasn't also inside. How monstrous was I? I forced myself to think of something else every time that thought intruded.
Monsters exist. Creatures, with fangs and claws and appetite for people and all that. But they also walk around fully human, wearing suits and sitting in offices. Fuckers.
So. Today. It's been a little more than a year and a half since the events at that remote project site. I wrote all that down over the span of a week, then put it away.
Recently, I've been drifting through the Covid summer. Almost all my jobs which would have been on-site were put on hold, which was incentive enough to just hunker down and go through more QGIS and SQL stuff, get my Python back from its sorry state in my head, all that. Fully looking towards the future, until I got the letter. I don't get mail, except a few bills, notices from the city or the cantankerous building owner, so I was confused, wary and curious.
The envelope had no return address but had mine cleanly hand-written in small caps with black pen. I opened it cautiously, wondering what it could possibly be.
Inside was a folded piece of lined paper and what looked like a business card. The business card had nothing printed on it, but instead a name and a number scribbled with blue ballpoint pen. I didn't recognise the name or handwriting at all, and the number had an international calling prefix. Who makes phone calls anymore? Confused, I opened the folded paper. It had the same careful printing as the envelope:

Heya,
Hope they haven't been too hard on you. Me, I've been doing a lot of digging! (literally. ha ha)
I think I found something for you. You should contact them and get yourself up to speed. Then maybe you can stay alive by more than 'pure luck and the benevolence of the gods' : )
Those online propaganda pages are worthless, as we both know.
Have a gneiss day!
-M

I guess they didn't kill him yet.
The letter brought back a nauseating black wave of memories and an amount of emotion I didn't think I still had. I just re-read everything I'd written, and… fucking hell.
I'm still deciding if I'm going to call that number. Do I want to talk to whoever is on the other end? Do I want to find out how much more of a monster I am? I feel like I'm standing on firm ground, about to step onto something moving. The thought makes me dizzy.

After my night in the underground tomb, I had collapsed in the lab, because it had seemed like the only place I could go.
I don't know if I dreamed of anything but I was awakened by the strange idea that I was hearing food talking to me. One voice getting louder finally woke me enough to realise I was stiff and sore from a strange sleeping position. I tried moving and found myself wedged into a ball, which reminded me I was in a cardboard box. A voice came closer and called my name. Rushana's voice.
Vague shapes surrounding me collapsed into more defined forms. Surfaces became clear, and the lab resolved around me in an unfamiliar orientation. I opened my eyes and found myself looking at the underside of my desk, and some faint grey window light peeking in. I mentally groaned and moved to tip the box on its side, which helped wake me up a bit more. I saw the wheels of my chair in front of my face and further away two pairs of shoes, the smaller of which were Rushana's. My backpack was still in my arms, and I slowly pulled it open and dragged the binders out one by one, pushing them out from under the desk towards her feet, then the two film canisters, and finally the fat manila envelope with the photos.
I didn't want her to see me, not like I was, so I unhooked the strips in my waistband and tried shifting. Surprisingly, it happened almost with ease on my first big intake of breath, and suddenly I was mind-blind and sprawled on the floor under my desk, surrounded by the rocks I'd dumped out earlier. After a few more breaths, I rolled, righted my box, and started labouriously putting the rocks back. My hands shook from weakness. Then I slowly crawled out, grabbing my chair as an unstable support to help me up. My eyes felt dry and scratchy, and I had a headache. They never showed this part in Indiana Jones films, did they?
I was not expecting to see Marcus watching me carefully from where he stood, while Rushana started picking up the stuff from the floor, moving her gaze between it and me.
"You look pretty bad," she said finally. I nodded, and realised I was very, very thirsty and had an awful dirt taste in my mouth. I dropped my backpack on my chair, pulled out my empty water bottle and weaved my way unsteadily to the sink in the rock room, where we washed samples and wet-sieved, and filled it up. I couldn't remember if it was potable water but I didn't care and drank the whole bottle, then filled it up again and drank most of that, before making my way back to my desk.
Rushana had carried the stuff over to her desk, where she had a lamp on and was paging through one of the binders. Marcus was standing next to her, going through the photographs from the envelope. I glanced at his wrist, but it was covered by the sleeve of a lab coat. We only wear those when working with the solvents or anything that would ruin cloth, so he clearly had it on to hide his wrist. I let my eyes drift to one of the small windows, which showed a grey patch of sky, and checked the time on my phone. I seemed to have trouble making sense of the numbers on the screen, and squinted at it for several moments before they finally resolved. Just after eleven in the morning.
"This is great," Rushana said as she paged through the second binder.
"This is awful," Marcus said, tossing the photos and envelope down on her desk. He looked at me. "What happened?"
I moved my bag to my desk and flopped in my chair in exhaustion. I gestured at him. "You're still here." My voice was a croak.
"Yep," he replied in a solemn voice. "You definitely missed a lot of fun." He stopped as if he'd thought of something, then continued. "There was, um, an incident." I gave him a dark look. He held his hands up. "Not my doing!"
"The missing guys showed up," Rushana said. She explained that security found Robbins wandering out of wherever they had locked him in, and that ultimately there were two other infected people around as well, actively attacking the security people. Everyone was running around and Rushana had seen that one of the temporary desks was empty of people. She used a cloned badge to unlock a computer, and had found and made changes to the report about Marcus, substituting Robbin's name and changing the monster category to NEW/UNKNOWN. The slug creatures were still under that category, she added.
I frowned, my brain filled with headache, tiredness and muddled thoughts. She had a "cloned badge"? Infected people missing for days just showed up? The timing sure seemed convenient. I think maybe I didn't ask further because it also all seemed far away from me at the moment. Did it matter?
"And Lembree? The guy who made the report?" I asked.
"He's in the med tent right now," Rushana said. "Someone really messed him up during the night."
I didn't say anything, but glared at Marcus again, who again raised his palms to me and attempted an innocent expression.
"Not me! I was in here." I must not have looked convinced. "If I had gone after him, there wouldn't be anything left to sit in a med tent," he insisted, which I did believe. He pulled back his lab coat sleeve to show a tan bandage wrapped a few times around his wrist. "That thing gave me a surprise nap right when I got the saw through it." Rushana almost laughed with a sigh and shook her head.
"I heard something and found him on the floor," she said, "with the band mostly off. I think he triggered the injection of the knock-out drugs, so I pulled the rest of it off and dragged him out of the rock room." She made a face. "It's not a good idea to pass out above a running saw, you know." Marcus shook his head in agreement.
That seemed to be all they had to say, and both were looking at me expectantly.
"Fine. So here's what I ran into," I began with a rasp in my voice, and told them of the records room, the lack of air, the slugs driving me the other direction, and finally the underground tomb. I left out the part about the slugs dying, but I still had trouble getting through the description of what I saw down there.
"Under the barracks?" Rushana asked in an incredulous tone when I finished. "Something like that, practically underneath us, all this time," she mused, shaking her head. I could see her already thinking of what to do with this new information. This would absolutely crush RM and BioSens if this got out. Especially BioSens.
My eyes lost focus and I was back in that room, staring at something's dead face with its silent scream. I put my hands over my face and everyone was still a moment. Then I realised that not only did my hands smell of dirt, but everything smelled. I was filthy and starving.
"I really, really need to eat something," I muttered. "And a shower." I stood up carefully and wobbled, wondering which problem I should tackle first.
"Hey, no. Stay here. We'll bring something," Marcus said quickly.
"No, I'll bring something," Rushana interrupted. "You," she pointed at Marcus, "still can't badge into anything until six tonight. It was the one thing I couldn't get to change right away." She looked at me. "What should I get?"
"Everything," I answered immediately. "Just bring whatever you can carry the most of."
"Bring coffee too," Marcus added.
We had a strict no-food policy in the lab. Very strict. Except when we found ourselves late in the evening behind screens and still not finished with whatever we were working on… or when the world was in disarray and nothing was safe, I guess.
As soon as Rushana was out, Marcus did one of those sudden movements, springing up to peer out the small high window to watch her walk away. I wondered if he'd just stopped bothering to adjust his movement style around us. I also remembered I was still a little scared to be alone in a room with him. He turned back to me.
"Okay. Now tell me what happened last night," he said.
I shrugged. "I did."
He walked back to Rushana's desk area, shaking his head. "No. You smell."
"Yeah, I need a fucking shower after crawling around underground all night long. And food. And more sleep."
"That's not what I mean." He pushed his glasses up. "This whole room stinks like stale terror and... other stuff. Something happened. What did you do?"
I looked at him a moment, then fell back down in my chair. "I don't exactly know," I said tiredly.
"Describe it then."
I rubbed my forehead with the back of my hand, which really wasn't any cleaner than the palm side. I'm not sure why I decided to even say anything. "I was in that room full of dead people, freaking out at what BioSens did. I was really... angry. Like..." I shook my head and looked around the room, searching for words. "I've never felt that way before." I looked down at my feet, which I realised were still bare because I hadn't put my sandals back on. They were covered with mud and dust, all under the nails and everything. "Those... the hairy slugs were coming in, and I was so pissed, and scared of them, and I sort of... sort of threw that at them. And they died." I didn't look up. "A monster," I wheezed.
He didn't say anything.
"We're all awful, aren't we? The Upper World is afraid of monsters killing people, and then BioSens buried people alive after torturing them." I waived my hand around tiredly. "Now I might have just killed a bunch of things because I wasn't feeling good?" I was still a little out of sorts, because suddenly a thought came to me and I'd already blurted it out before I could catch myself. "You eat people?"
He was very still but answered me. "Not generally, no." He paused. "Don't take that to mean that they can't be food. It means I'm not stupid."
Not generally, huh? "Those people I read about, on the network page. They were being eaten bit by bit."
He sighed. "A terrible introduction for the broader Upper World, isn't it? But that was more like..." he thought a bit. "Suppose you were an extraterrestrial visiting Earth, and the first example of human beings you met was... Erm. Florida Man."
I blinked at him.
He shook his head again. "That page... that page is just a disaster. The only good thing about it as far as I'm concerned is the name they came up with for us, the official one." He raised his eyebrows. "Named after a geologist, actually. A good omen, no?"
I shrugged, and my stomach growled loudly. "Shhhh," I told it. I hoped Rushana came back soon. I looked at Marcus again.
"You need to get out of here," I told him. "If Lembree doesn't die, he's going to talk to the team that should have arrived here this morning, if he hasn't already. Or that other one, the kid. His name is probably still in the report. They'll talk to him, surely."
"I'm working on that," he replied. "Ideally, I find some way of doing it officially and with nothing on my record." His voice changed to disappointment. "I worked hard on this identity."
Rushana came back, with lots of everything and even coffee. The smell alone made me want to collapse, it was amazing. Just as I don't smoke as a human, I generally don't drink coffee as one either, but I threw that rule out and drank several cups while consuming everything I could fit in one sitting. Rushana also ate something and we managed to temporarily push the previous night out of our minds.
"Lots of 'apatite' as usual," Marcus quipped, motioning as I added more to the plate I had emptied twice already. He could have been making the usual bad joke, or maybe it was some oblique reference to my teeth. Enamel is a form of apatite.
Rushana rolled her eyes. "You're a real beryl of laughs."
"My sediments exactly!" he replied.
"Rushana, no. Don't encourage him," I groaned. These get old after hundreds of times, but I guess some people can't help themselves. Fortunately nobody made a "throw up and heave out" reference while we were eating. Marcus meanwhile had coffee with more of that red stuff in it.
"Seriously?" I asked, gesturing to his cup. "People will think you're a vampire."
"Caffeine blocks iron absorption so I add more," he said defensively.
"It's the polyphenols, not the caffeine," Rushana corrected him. "And you're just wasting good iron taking it with the coffee. Wait two hours first."
"Listen to the former biologist," I told him. "You realise London Drugs sells cheap iron pills, right?"
"So? I make this in the lab for free," he replied. I scowled in disgust. Yuck.
As we finished, we started talking about random stupid things, even having a silly argument on the theories that dolomite might actually be amazing amounts of bacterial poo or space rain. These are real questions, and science demands answers. Possibly another reason geologists drink so much.
As we finally got up to start cleaning up, Marcus stood next to Rushana and squinted at me theatrically. "She looks better now, doesn't she?" he asked her. She nodded, also looking at me. "Much better." Then she spoke to me. "Your eyes aren't coppery anymore, and you don't look like the walking dead."
I stopped what I was doing. "What?"
She nodded at me. "Yeah, you didn't look quite right when we woke you up. I think you can probably hit the showers now without attracting the wrong attention."
I had no idea my eye colour hadn't changed back. I thought it always did. To be sure, I checked the mirror in the compass in my desk. Light brown, as always nowadays. After a thought, I checked my teeth too. Normal human teeth. But there was dirt over the edges of my face where I hadn't washed it off before eating. I headed straight to a shower and spent the rest of the day with scrubbed-raw skin. I still felt like I didn't get it all off. I kept thinking there was still something in my hair, kept getting whiffs of that dead room.
I didn't know what would happen next. Rushana had her incriminating documents and Marcus was working on a way to get out legally before Lembree got out of medical, but none of us were scheduled to be finished and shipping out for another two weeks. I ended up sleeping a lot that day and the next, ignoring all my work duties while my brain recycled the underground tomb endlessly. I spent a lot of time fantasising telling RM that I quit and just walking off into the woods forever. Ha. As if they'd ever let me.
What did happen surprised me enough that I must have entertained the idea that things would work out. Instead, Lembree happened.
The whole site had been calmer as far as incidents after two nights earlier, but there were now even more security people around and a lot of workers were being sent home or to other stations. Our team was basically grounded. And then Rushana just vanished.
I hadn't seen her for over a day and was on my cot staring into space when I realised I was hearing a lot of noise outside. I rolled off the cot and opened my cabin's door, looking for the source. Lots of people yelling over loud machinery. Then I saw it was the barracks.
I was outside and running towards it before I realised what I was doing. I watched from just a few meters away, gaping, as someone used a backhoe to knock over the flimsy wooden walls of the far side of the barracks and push away a pile of stuff that looked like metal strips and chunks of wood. The aluminium shelving and the pallets, probably. Several people in full tactical gear and those burn guns gathered to the spot while someone pulled open the metal door in the ground that I'd pushed myself through just two nights earlier.
They knew. Someone had told them about the underground room. My heart pounded while my brain fought between watching them and going somewhere to puke. Instead I decided to head for the lab, but didn't make it far. As I approached I saw uniformed people walking in and out both doors. I stood there a moment staring at the surreal scene of what looked like soldiers hurrying around me, when someone grabbed my upper arm and said my name.
I was too dazed to jump, and turned to see someone in a security uniform right next to me. They pulled and lead me not to the security portacabin as I'd expected, but over to the main building. This time I was taken upstairs, where I'd not visited even once my whole time at the site, to a room with a newly-installed electric door which looked like an office.
I was half pushed in and the door closed behind me. This room had a large window facing the site outside the front of the building, and I was not alone. Fear raced through me when I saw Lembree sitting behind a large desk, already giving me that beady-eyed stare. He had a large scratch on one cheek, a bandage around his head, and one of his arms was in a sling. Marcus was sitting across from him, still wearing his lab coat. He did not look up as I entered. Next to Lembree was another man. Instead of a security uniform, he wore a dark suit and tie. His frizzy, greying hair was clipped short, and his dark skin was smoother than Lembree's. Likely around the same age, but this man stayed indoors more, away from the weathering elements that had chiseled Lembree's face.
I remained standing where I'd ended up, looking everywhere but at Lembree's creepy scowl, hugging my arms and trying not to visibly shiver.
"Sit," Lembree barked. I obediently walked to the remaining chair, also across the desk from the security men but spaced a good distance away from Marcus, and sat down. The chair was one of those metal things with the flat plastic seat and plastic plate for your back, and rather big. I pulled my feet up, leaving my sandals on the floor, and tucked them underneath me tailor-style. Clearly shit had gone too far to worry about looking professional. I was certain this was where they told me I was fired and I'd be living the rest of my short lifespan in some concrete facility somewhere.
The man in the suit did not introduce himself, and instead looked down at paper in his hands, what I assumed was a file on me. He asked me to confirm my name, job title, and start date, all of which I answered in the affirmative. Lembree kept staring at me, so I kept my eyes on the man in the suit. I wondered if Lembree was maybe really an android, because I swear the man never blinked.
"Do you have anything to say?" the man in the suit asked me. I frowned at him. What? Why wasn't Rushana in here? They knew about the barracks, meaning they probably also knew about the little record room. Maybe she'd been fucking with me. Maybe she'd been working with RM this whole time.
"Where's Rushana?" I asked. I'd intended to say it normally but it came out almost a whisper.
Lembree snorted. "Trying to talk her way out of prison time, I reckon," he drawled. This time it was my turn to glare as my fear turned to anger. She wasn't the one who'd buried a bunch of people alive forty years ago; these fucking corporate wankstains were.
"Are you going to do to us what you did to those people I found in the ground?" I asked with a snarl.
Lembree actually laughed. "Ho, I almost wish. Get rid of you critters and keep y'all away from us."
I sucked in a breath through my teeth, ready to yell at him I think, when Marcus interjected with an explanation for me.
"Ah, turns out Rushana wasn't working to expose all this in order to right a wrong." I looked at him. He seemed resigned and a little confused. "She's working for another Corporate Family, getting help from them. ZPG."
Zhang Publishing Group. They owned a lot of media and communication companies. The relationships are complex, but it seemed immediately obvious to me that releasing a story like what had happened here would earn them brownie points on the Upper World's little socio-political ladder, while pushing RM and BioSens down. Suddenly many things made more sense; ZPG resources had let her get Marcus approved for work at this site, the cloned security badge, maybe even the simultaneous appearance of the infected people and Robbins getting loose. That fucking devious little…
"Did you know that?" I asked Marcus angrily. He shook his head. I thought he was probably telling the truth. The man in the suit simply leaned back in his chair, watching everyone in the room with a poker face.
"Y'all got duped by her," Lembree sniggered. "Good thing I'm a sneaky bastard." He held up a small black thing, which I thought at first was a USB stick. "Thought it was weird how they had a Westie doing search jobs at some low-prio backwater." He peered at me like at a bug through a microscope, which made me shrink away from him. "I looked you up. They honest-to-God let you do sciencey dirt work, but that you were here and then my people were called to deal with unknown monsters didn't smell like a coincidence to me." He looked down the black thing in his hand. "Turned out it probably was, but I went and bugged that laboratory of yours in a few places as soon as you were done sniffing that bug goop."
I stared at him, and he chuckled again. "And I was right; weren't none of you what you pretended to be."
"We're not pretending," I protested. I couldn't believe it. The fucker had been listening to us for weeks!
"He is," the man in the suit said, pointing at Marcus.
"No he isn't!" I said. I realised I had stood up and was also pointing at Marcus. "He's one of the best fucking scientists I've worked with!" I looked at Marcus. "He should have just stayed away from the steaming pile known as RM and stuck to doing work that actually benefits the world—" I looked back at both men on the other side of the desk, "—instead of helping scuzzy Corporate Families discover each other's fucking crimes."
"Sit down," Lembree said in a low growl. I was angry but I sat.
The man in the suit leaned back in his chair, which was a more comfortable sort than the metal things the rest of us were sitting on, and steepled his fingers. "Here's what's going to happen..." He paused.
My heartrate went up and my hands were fists. I felt angry and helpless and scared, which made me more angry.
"We'll work it out with ZPG about their little spy. It was a good play," his voice had a tinge of admiration, "but they lost."
That phrasing pissed me off. It was like everything that had happened was just a big stupid game to them. But of course it was.
"We're going to empty and bulldoze in those structures underground and send a fire team to deal with the new monster species," he continued, looking at me in particular. "It was an unfortunate event, and RM is going to demand a response from BioSens for putting us in this, er, compromising and expensive position, but there's no point in going further with that. It happened and cannot be undone."
My mouth hung open. Again, it wasn't exactly surprising, yet I still couldn't believe I was actually hearing it said out loud, and so matter-of-factly. I glanced at Marcus, who was shaking his head at me with a warning look.
"As for the two of you," he continued, looking at me, "you are going to be moved off this project. Your case manager will be fully informed, and you'll be asked to stay home until a new work assignment comes along." Stay at home usually meant at least staying in the city I lived in with the idea that someone would be actively watching me, but I wasn't actually confined to my one-room rental. I frowned. I hadn't done anything wrong, but RM might decide to ask the organisation which oversaw me to reduce my privileges anyway while they decided what to finally do with me.
The man turned to face Marcus. "You are a different problem," he said finally.
"Am I a problem?" Marcus asked. The man in the suit studied him a moment. "I was asked to help uncover possible documents about a terrible event," Marcus continued. He held up a finger, "An event I already knew much about. However, that didn't work out." He shrugged. "RM is now also fully aware of what happened, and I am happy to walk away and never deal with Corporate Family games ever again." He gave the man a dim look. "I would hope that RM agrees that something like experimenting on my people again is fully off the table in the future."
The man in the suit looked a little surprised, and smiled. It was a nasty shark smile. "Ah, the guilt play. Good move." What an irritating fucking shitgibbon this guy was. I wanted to strangle him.
Lembree was looking at the man with irritation too, but for different reasons. "I don't get you," he said.
The man looked back at him, eyebrows raised.
Lembree threw his uninjured hand out towards Marcus. "You're not really considering letting Dr Zoidberg here walk away from this, are you?"
"Ha! Good one," Marcus said sarcastically.
The man in the suit continued looking at Lembree. "You're a De Real. Supposedly an expert in dealing with all things inhuman." Lembree didn't reply, but just stared at the man with his unblinking black eyes. The man continued. "So you know that this individual has been in near constant communication with all others of his sort this whole time." Lembree's face remained unchanged, but he said nothing back.
The man set his hands on the desk, and started speaking in a different tone. "RM has discovered that another Family, with whom it had a partnership, performed heinous acts on Company property without RM's knowledge or approval. A member of an aggrieved party sought to bring these events to light, and while RM admits no responsibility for the terrible acts, it is grateful to have been informed. In order to convey our deepest regrets and to show we mean no further harm, we wish the representative of the aggrieved party well, and the party as a whole, in future endeavours."
I blinked.
"Wow," Marcus said. "Do you practice that in front of a mirror every day?"
"Get out, please," the man said to him. His shark smile was back.
Marcus stood up, gave me a goofy little salute, and thumbed his nose at Lembree as he walked out. I could have sworn I also heard him mutter the word "asshole" as he left. Lembree glowered at the door as it closed.
I was indeed shipped out later that day, first to the Horizon North camp, then back on a bus to the small town depot, where someone literally stayed outside my motel room overnight, and from there an RM employee drove me back to the building in the city where I lived. I dragged my heavy duffel all the way up the several flights of stairs to my small room, since the elevator in my building is always broken. I didn't particularly want to be in an elevator any time soon anyway.
I unlocked my nearing-end-of-life door and stood in the doorway, looking at a stale little room made dim by closed window blinds. It would be better with some plants, but my schedule of being gone for weeks at a time wasn't conducive to keeping things alive, just as it didn't help with having friends or knowing my neighbours. I love being in the field, but fieldwork is hard on you in several ways. I considered for the bazillionth time working towards being a GIS and DB expert like Kish. Get some nine-to-five office gig. It had taken me the whole trip home to finally believe that my luck was real. I was still alive, still employed, and not locked in a hole somewhere.
I did bring back one rock. It was a small, pale, euhedral quartz which I'd found hand-augering a soil sample out far from the area with the buildings, a remnant of stuff carried by the glacier which had covered that basin millennia ago. There'd been other interesting rocks in my box but had dumped them all out. Leaverite. I didn't really want to remember this job anyway. I set the quartz on my windowsill, one of the many places covered with rocks, along with my bookshelves already groaning with textbooks, atlases and mineral guides, my work desk, and my little kitchen countertop. I know; the whole rocks on the countertop thing needs to be stopped sooner rather than later.
I desperately wanted to fill my brain with other things to cover up the memories of what I'd seen, and was actually happy to get a new work assignment two weeks later: a phase 1 nearby, meaning I could be home every night. Anyway, it was better than sitting in my room alone, writing more useless emails to everyone I could think of in my endless petition to let me get my Master's, and continuing my check-ins with my case manager. The Upper World's argument against me getting more schooling is that, due to my short life span, they'd rather my time was spent earning my position economically in their world. I keep arguing that you can do actual work while getting a Master's, but so far I haven't gotten anywhere. I think they like being able to just shuttle me around more entry-level things.
I wondered if I'd run into Rushana again. RM couldn't block her from the field, just maybe keep her off certain projects. Would I work with her without punching her in the face? She fucking played me. But yeah, probably. I can be a professional. I'd just never trust her again. And I wondered whether Marcus had actually gotten away and was hiding in some hole, or if they just went after him later. Some reali really enjoy a good old-fashioned monster hunt, and it probably hadn't been smart of him to deliberately piss off Lembree like he did.
I didn't hear anything in the Upper World news over the last few months, which was pretty much what I'd expected. I did hear through the RM grapevine that they'd just razed the whole area up there, buried and burned everything, abandoning the site entirely. The entire geology team had been decimated and that ground was cursed now, so that didn't surprise me too much. But still, they won. They got to bury their dirty secret in the ground, and my already dim view of the Upper World became much darker.
I also tried to stop worrying about whether that darkness surrounding me from the Upper World wasn't also inside. How monstrous was I? I forced myself to think of something else every time that thought intruded.
Monsters exist. Creatures, with fangs and claws and appetite for people and all that. But they also walk around fully human, wearing suits and sitting in offices. Fuckers.
So. Today. It's been a little more than a year and a half since the events at that remote project site. I wrote all that down over the span of a week, then put it away.
Recently, I've been drifting through the Covid summer. Almost all my jobs which would have been on-site were put on hold, which was incentive enough to just hunker down and go through more QGIS and SQL stuff, get my Python back from its sorry state in my head, all that. Fully looking towards the future, until I got the letter. I don't get mail, except a few bills, notices from the city or the cantankerous building owner, so I was confused, wary and curious.
The envelope had no return address but had mine cleanly hand-written in small caps with black pen. I opened it cautiously, wondering what it could possibly be.
Inside was a folded piece of lined paper and what looked like a business card. The business card had nothing printed on it, but instead a name and a number scribbled with blue ballpoint pen. I didn't recognise the name or handwriting at all, and the number had an international calling prefix. Who makes phone calls anymore? Confused, I opened the folded paper. It had the same careful printing as the envelope:

Heya,
Hope they haven't been too hard on you. Me, I've been doing a lot of digging! (literally. ha ha)
I think I found something for you. You should contact them and get yourself up to speed. Then maybe you can stay alive by more than 'pure luck and the benevolence of the gods' :-)
Those online propaganda pages are worthless, as we both know.
Have a gneiss day!
-M

I guess they didn't kill him yet.
The letter brought back a nauseating black wave of memories and an amount of emotion I didn't think I still had. I just re-read everything I'd written, and… fucking hell.
I'm still deciding if I'm going to call that number. Do I want to talk to whoever is on the other end? Do I want to find out how much more of a monster I am? I feel like I'm standing on firm ground, about to step onto something moving. The thought makes me dizzy.

Republicans

Republican Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was indicted on federal charges of structuring bank withdrawals after prosecutors alleged Hastert had molested at least four boys as young as 14 and attempted to compensate his victims and subsequently conceal the transactions. Hastert eventually admitted that he sexually abused the boys whom he had coached decades earlier, and was sentenced to fifteen months in prison.
Republican Tim Nolan, chairman of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign in Kentucky, pled guilty to child sex trafficking and on February 11, 2018 he was sentenced to serve 20 years in prison.
Republican state Senator Ralph Shortey was indicted on four counts of human trafficking and child pornography. In November 2017, he pleaded guilty to one count of child sex trafficking in exchange for the dropping of the other charges.
Republican anti-abortion activist Howard Scott Heldreth is a convicted child rapist in Florida.
Republican County Commissioner David Swartz pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 11 and was sentenced to 8 years in prison.
Republican judge Mark Pazuhanich pleaded no contest to fondling a 10-year old girl and was sentenced to 10 years probation.
Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to anybody who murders an abortion doctor.
Republican legislator Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping his daughter between the ages of 9 and 17.
Republican Mayor Philip Giordano is serving a 37-year sentence in federal prison for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year old girls.
Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl.
Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the 2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a sexual affair with a female juvenile.
Republican legislator Peter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old girl.
Republican Congressman Donald “Buz” Lukens was found guilty of having sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail.
Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child porn charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexual photos.
Republican activist Mark A. Grethen convicted on six counts of sex crimes involving children.
Republican activist Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child.
Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a female minor working as a congressional page.
Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell admitted to an incestuous relationship with his step daughter. Republican congressman and anti-gay activist Robert Bauman was charged with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar.
Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for distributing a video clip of a 5-year-old girl being raped.
Republican activist Marty Glickman (a.k.a. “Republican Marty”), was taken into custody by Florida police on four counts of unlawful sexual activity with an underage girl and one count of delivering the drug LSD.
Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks was charged with molesting a 12-year old boy and possession of child pornography. Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex with his 12-year old baby sitter and withdrew his candidacy after the allegations were reported in the media.
Republican preacher Stephen White, who demanded a return to traditional values, was sentenced to jail after offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.
Republican talk show host Jon Matthews pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an 11 year old girl.
Republican anti-gay activist Earl “Butch” Kimmerling was sentenced to 40 years in prison for molesting an 8-year old girl after he attempted to stop a gay couple from adopting her.
Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters and served 14 years in federal prison.
Republican election board official Kevin Coan was sentenced to two years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a 14-year old girl.
Republican politician Andrew Buhr was charged with two counts of first degree sodomy with a 13-year old boy.
Republican politician Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of 16 (i.e. exposing himself to children).
Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was charged with sexual misconduct involving a 15-year old girl.
Republican County Councilman Keola Childs pleaded guilty to molesting a male child.
Republican activist John Butler was charged with criminal sexual assault on a teenage girl.
Republican candidate Richard Gardner admitted to molesting his two daughters.
Republican Councilman and former Marine Jack W. Gardner was convicted of molesting a 13-year old girl.
Republican County Commissioner Merrill Robert Barter pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual contact and assault on a teenage boy. Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to raping a 15 year-old girl and served 6-months in prison. Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison and fined $18,000.
Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in his possession.
Republican strategist and Citadel Military College graduate Robin Vanderwall was convicted in Virginia on five counts of soliciting sex from boys and girls over the internet.
Republican city councilman Mark Harris, who is described as a “good military man” and “church goer,” was convicted of repeatedly having sex with an 11-year-old girl and sentenced to 12 years in prison.
Republican businessman Jon Grunseth withdrew his candidacy for Minnesota governor after allegations surfaced that he went swimming in the nude with four underage girls, including his daughter.
Republican director of the “Young Republican Federation” Nicholas Elizondo molested his 6-year old daughter and was sentenced to six years in prison.
Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr., was charged with rape for allegedly paying a 15-year old girl for sex. Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren, has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women.
Republican Former Mayor of Stockton, California, Anthony Silva, was charged with providing alcohol to young adults during a game of strip poker that included a 16-year-old boy at a camp for underprivileged children run by the mayor.

Democrats

Democratic donor and billionaire, Jeffrey Epstein, ran an underage child sex brothel and was convicted of soliciting underage girls for prostitution.
Democratic New York Congressman, Anthony Weiner, plead guilty to transferring obscene material to a minor as part of a plea agreement for sexted and sending Twitter DMs to underage girls as young as 15.
Democratic donor, activist, and Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein is being criminally prosecuted and civilly sued for years of sexual abuse (that was well known “secret” in Hollywood) including underage sexual activities with aspiring female actresses.
Democratic activist and #metoo proponent, Asia Argento, settled a lawsuit for sexual harassment stemming from sexual activities with an underage actor.
Democratic Mayor of Racine, Wisconsin, Gary Becker, was convicted of attempted child seduction, child pornography, and other child sex crimes.
Democratic Seattle Mayor Ed Murray resigned after multiple accusations of child sexual abuse were levied against him including by family members.
Democratic activist and aid to NYC Mayor De Blasio, Jacob Schwartz was arrested on possession of 3,000+ child pornographic images.
Democratic activist and actor, Russell Simmons, was sued based on an allegation of sexual assault where he coerced an underage model for sex.
Democratic Governor of Oregon, Neil Goldschmidt, after being caught by a newspaper, publicly admitted to having a past sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl after the statute of limitations on the rape charges had expired.
Democratic Illinois Congressman, Mel Reynolds resigned from Congress after he was convicted of statutory rape of a 16-year-old campaign volunteer.
Democratic New York Congressman, Fred Richmond, was arrested in Washington D.C. for soliciting sex from a 16-year-old boy. Democratic activist, donor, and director, Roman Polanski, fled the country after pleading guilty to statutory rape of a 13-year-old girl. Democrats and Hollywood actors still defend him to this day, including, Whoopi Goldberg, Martin Scorcese, Woody Allen, David Lynch, Wim Wenders, Pedro Almodovar, Tilda Swinton and Monica Bellucci.
Democratic State Senator from Alaska, George Jacko, was found guilty of sexual harassment of an underage legislative page.
Democratic State Representative candidate for Colorado, Andrew Myers, was convicted for possession of child pornography and enticing children.
Democratic Illinois Congressman, Gus Savage was investigated by the Democrat-controlled House Committee on Ethics for attempting to rape an underage female Peace Corps volunteer in Zaire. The Committee concluded that while the events did occur his apology was sufficient and took no further action.
Democratic activist, donor, and spokesperson for Subway, Jared Fogle, was convicted of distribution and receipt of child pornography and traveling to engage in illicit sexual conduct with a minor.
Democratic State Department official, Carl Carey, under Hillary Clinton’s state department, was arrested on ten counts of child porn possession.
Democratic Maine Assistant Attorney General, James Cameron, was sentenced to just over 15 years in federal prison for seven counts of child porn possession, receipt and transmission.
Democratic State Department official, Daniel Rosen, under Hillary Clinton’s state department, was arrested and charged with allegedly soliciting sex from a minor over the internet.
Democratic State Department official, James Cafferty, pleaded guilty to one count of transportation of child pornography.
Democratic radio host, Bernie Ward, plead guilty to one count of sending child pornography over the Internet.
Democratic deputy attorney general from California, Raymond Liddy, was arrested for possession of child pornography.
Democratic Illinois State Representative, Keith Farnham, has resigned and was charged with possession of child pornography and has been accused of bragging at an online site about sexually molesting a 6-year-old girl.
Democratic spokesperson for the Arkansas Democratic Party, Harold Moody, Jr, was charged with distribution and possession of child pornography.
Democratic Radnor Township Board of Commissioners member, Philip Ahr, resigned from his position after being charged with possession of child pornography and abusing children between 2 and 6 years-old.
Democratic activist and BLM organizer, Charles Wade, was arrested and charged with human trafficking and underage prostitution.
Democratic Texas attorney and activist, Mark Benavides, was charged with having sex with a minor, inducing a child under 18 to have sex and compelling prostitution of at least nine legal clients and possession of child pornography. He was found guilty on six counts of sex trafficking.
Democratic Virginia Delegate, Joe Morrissey, was indicted on charges connected to his relationship with a 17-year-old girl and was charged with supervisory indecent liberties with a minor, electronic solicitation of a minor, possession of child pornography and distribution of child pornography.
Democratic Massachusetts Congressman, Gerry Studds, was censured by the House of Representatives after he admitted to an inappropriate relationship with a 17-year-old page.
Democratic Former Mayor of Stillwater, New York, Rick Nelson was plead guilty to five counts of possession of child pornography of children less than 16 years of age.
Democratic Former Mayor of Clayton, New York, Dale Kenyon, was indicted for sexual acts against a teenager.
Democratic Former Mayor of Hubbard, Ohio, Richard Keenan, was given a life sentence in jail for raping a 4-year-old girl.
Democratic Former Mayor of Winston, Oregeon, Kenneth Barrett, was arrested for setting up a meeting to have sex with a 14-year-old girl who turned out to be a police officer.
Democratic Former Mayor of Randolph, Nebraska, Dwayne L. Schutt, was arrested and charged with four counts of felony third-degree sexual assault of a child and one count of intentional child abuse.
Democratic Former Mayor of Dawson, Georgia, Christopher Wright, was indicted on the charges of aggravated child molestation, aggravated sodomy, rape, child molestation and statutory rape of an 11-year-old boy and a 12-year-old girl.
Democratic Former Mayor of Millbrook, New York, Donald Briggs, was arrested and charged with inappropriate sexual contact with a person younger than 17.
Democratic party leader for Victoria County, Texas, Stephen Jabbour, plead guilty to possession and receiving over half a million child pornographic images.
Democratic activist and fundraiser, Terrence Bean, was arrested on charges of sodomy and sex abuse in a case involving a 15-year-old boy and when the alleged victim declined to testify, and the judge dismissed the case.
Democratic Party Chairman for Davidson County, Tennessee, Rodney Mullin, resigned amid child pornography allegations. Democratic activist, Andrew Douglas Reed, pleaded guilty to a multiple counts of 2nd-degree sexual exploitation of a minor for producing child pornography.
Democratic official from Terre Haute, Indiana, David Roberts was sentenced to federal prison for producing and possessing child pornography including placing hidden cameras in the bedrooms and bathrooms at a home he shared with two minor female victims.
Democratic California Congressman, Tony Cárdenas, is being sued in LA County for allegedly sexually abused a 16-year-old girl. Democratic aide to Senator Barbara Boxer, Jeff Rosato, plead guilty to charges of trading in child pornography.
Democratic Alaskan State Representative, Dean Westlake, resigned from his seat after the media published a report alleging he fathered a child with a 16-year-old girl when he was 28. Democratic New Jersey State Assemblyman, Neil Cohen, was convicted of possession and distribution of child pornography.
Democratic (later turned Republican) Senator Strom Thurmond, a notable racist, had sex with a 15-year old black girl which produced a child.

Libertarian

Green

Edit: Not everyone on this list is a politician. Some political activists are included.
If there are any other individuals that belong on this list and aren't, please let me know so we can get them added.
Edit 2: I realized that I just copy and pasted these links from another user's posts, and have not independently verified each of these claims myself. If anyone sees someone on this list that shouldn't be, please DM me so I can have them removed. Though after randomly checking a few of the names, it appears that these are all legitimate cases.

Here is a list of all US politicians Charged/Convicted of Sex Crimes against minors

📷Republicans
Republican Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was indicted on federal charges of structuring bank withdrawals after prosecutors alleged Hastert had molested at least four boys as young as 14 and attempted to compensate his victims and subsequently conceal the transactions. Hastert eventually admitted that he sexually abused the boys whom he had coached decades earlier, and was sentenced to fifteen months in prison.
Republican Tim Nolan, chairman of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign in Kentucky, pled guilty to child sex trafficking and on February 11, 2018 he was sentenced to serve 20 years in prison.
Republican state Senator Ralph Shortey was indicted on four counts of human trafficking and child pornography. In November 2017, he pleaded guilty to one count of child sex trafficking in exchange for the dropping of the other charges.
Republican anti-abortion activist Howard Scott Heldreth is a convicted child rapist in Florida.
Republican County Commissioner David Swartz pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 11 and was sentenced to 8 years in prison.
Republican judge Mark Pazuhanich pleaded no contest to fondling a 10-year old girl and was sentenced to 10 years probation.
Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to anybody who murders an abortion doctor.
Republican legislator Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping his daughter between the ages of 9 and 17.
Republican Mayor Philip Giordano is serving a 37-year sentence in federal prison for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year old girls.
Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl.
Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the 2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a sexual affair with a female juvenile.
Republican legislator Peter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old girl.
Republican Congressman Donald “Buz” Lukens was found guilty of having sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail.
Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child porn charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexual photos.
Republican activist Mark A. Grethen convicted on six counts of sex crimes involving children.
Republican activist Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child.
Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a female minor working as a congressional page.
Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell admitted to an incestuous relationship with his step daughter. Republican congressman and anti-gay activist Robert Bauman was charged with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar.
Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for distributing a video clip of a 5-year-old girl being raped.
Republican activist Marty Glickman (a.k.a. “Republican Marty”), was taken into custody by Florida police on four counts of unlawful sexual activity with an underage girl and one count of delivering the drug LSD.
Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks was charged with molesting a 12-year old boy and possession of child pornography. Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex with his 12-year old baby sitter and withdrew his candidacy after the allegations were reported in the media.
Republican preacher Stephen White, who demanded a return to traditional values, was sentenced to jail after offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.
Republican talk show host Jon Matthews pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an 11 year old girl.
Republican anti-gay activist Earl “Butch” Kimmerling was sentenced to 40 years in prison for molesting an 8-year old girl after he attempted to stop a gay couple from adopting her.
Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters and served 14 years in federal prison.
Republican election board official Kevin Coan was sentenced to two years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a 14-year old girl.
Republican politician Andrew Buhr was charged with two counts of first degree sodomy with a 13-year old boy.
Republican politician Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of 16 (i.e. exposing himself to children).
Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was charged with sexual misconduct involving a 15-year old girl.
Republican County Councilman Keola Childs pleaded guilty to molesting a male child.
Republican activist John Butler was charged with criminal sexual assault on a teenage girl.
Republican candidate Richard Gardner admitted to molesting his two daughters.
Republican Councilman and former Marine Jack W. Gardner was convicted of molesting a 13-year old girl.
Republican County Commissioner Merrill Robert Barter pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual contact and assault on a teenage boy. Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to raping a 15 year-old girl and served 6-months in prison. Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison and fined $18,000.
Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in his possession.
Republican strategist and Citadel Military College graduate Robin Vanderwall was convicted in Virginia on five counts of soliciting sex from boys and girls over the internet.
Republican city councilman Mark Harris, who is described as a “good military man” and “church goer,” was convicted of repeatedly having sex with an 11-year-old girl and sentenced to 12 years in prison.
Republican businessman Jon Grunseth withdrew his candidacy for Minnesota governor after allegations surfaced that he went swimming in the nude with four underage girls, including his daughter.
Republican director of the “Young Republican Federation” Nicholas Elizondo molested his 6-year old daughter and was sentenced to six years in prison.
Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr., was charged with rape for allegedly paying a 15-year old girl for sex. Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren, has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women.
Republican Former Mayor of Stockton, California, Anthony Silva, was charged with providing alcohol to young adults during a game of strip poker that included a 16-year-old boy at a camp for underprivileged children run by the mayor.
Democrats
Democratic donor and billionaire, Jeffrey Epstein, ran an underage child sex brothel and was convicted of soliciting underage girls for prostitution.
Democratic New York Congressman, Anthony Weiner, plead guilty to transferring obscene material to a minor as part of a plea agreement for sexted and sending Twitter DMs to underage girls as young as 15.
Democratic donor, activist, and Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein is being criminally prosecuted and civilly sued for years of sexual abuse (that was well known “secret” in Hollywood) including underage sexual activities with aspiring female actresses.
Democratic activist and #metoo proponent, Asia Argento, settled a lawsuit for sexual harassment stemming from sexual activities with an underage actor.
Democratic Mayor of Racine, Wisconsin, Gary Becker, was convicted of attempted child seduction, child pornography, and other child sex crimes.
Democratic Seattle Mayor Ed Murray resigned after multiple accusations of child sexual abuse were levied against him including by family members.
Democratic activist and aid to NYC Mayor De Blasio, Jacob Schwartz was arrested on possession of 3,000+ child pornographic images.
Democratic activist and actor, Russell Simmons, was sued based on an allegation of sexual assault where he coerced an underage model for sex.
Democratic Governor of Oregon, Neil Goldschmidt, after being caught by a newspaper, publicly admitted to having a past sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl after the statute of limitations on the rape charges had expired.
Democratic Illinois Congressman, Mel Reynolds resigned from Congress after he was convicted of statutory rape of a 16-year-old campaign volunteer.
Democratic New York Congressman, Fred Richmond, was arrested in Washington D.C. for soliciting sex from a 16-year-old boy. Democratic activist, donor, and director, Roman Polanski, fled the country after pleading guilty to statutory rape of a 13-year-old girl. Democrats and Hollywood actors still defend him to this day, including, Whoopi Goldberg, Martin Scorcese, Woody Allen, David Lynch, Wim Wenders, Pedro Almodovar, Tilda Swinton and Monica Bellucci.
Democratic State Senator from Alaska, George Jacko, was found guilty of sexual harassment of an underage legislative page.
Democratic State Representative candidate for Colorado, Andrew Myers, was convicted for possession of child pornography and enticing children.
Democratic Illinois Congressman, Gus Savage was investigated by the Democrat-controlled House Committee on Ethics for attempting to rape an underage female Peace Corps volunteer in Zaire. The Committee concluded that while the events did occur his apology was sufficient and took no further action.
Democratic activist, donor, and spokesperson for Subway, Jared Fogle, was convicted of distribution and receipt of child pornography and traveling to engage in illicit sexual conduct with a minor.
Democratic State Department official, Carl Carey, under Hillary Clinton’s state department, was arrested on ten counts of child porn possession.
Democratic Maine Assistant Attorney General, James Cameron, was sentenced to just over 15 years in federal prison for seven counts of child porn possession, receipt and transmission.
Democratic State Department official, Daniel Rosen, under Hillary Clinton’s state department, was arrested and charged with allegedly soliciting sex from a minor over the internet.
Democratic State Department official, James Cafferty, pleaded guilty to one count of transportation of child pornography.
Democratic radio host, Bernie Ward, plead guilty to one count of sending child pornography over the Internet.
Democratic deputy attorney general from California, Raymond Liddy, was arrested for possession of child pornography.
Democratic Illinois State Representative, Keith Farnham, has resigned and was charged with possession of child pornography and has been accused of bragging at an online site about sexually molesting a 6-year-old girl.
Democratic spokesperson for the Arkansas Democratic Party, Harold Moody, Jr, was charged with distribution and possession of child pornography.
Democratic Radnor Township Board of Commissioners member, Philip Ahr, resigned from his position after being charged with possession of child pornography and abusing children between 2 and 6 years-old.
Democratic activist and BLM organizer, Charles Wade, was arrested and charged with human trafficking and underage prostitution.
Democratic Texas attorney and activist, Mark Benavides, was charged with having sex with a minor, inducing a child under 18 to have sex and compelling prostitution of at least nine legal clients and possession of child pornography. He was found guilty on six counts of sex trafficking.
Democratic Virginia Delegate, Joe Morrissey, was indicted on charges connected to his relationship with a 17-year-old girl and was charged with supervisory indecent liberties with a minor, electronic solicitation of a minor, possession of child pornography and distribution of child pornography.
Democratic Massachusetts Congressman, Gerry Studds, was censured by the House of Representatives after he admitted to an inappropriate relationship with a 17-year-old page.
Democratic Former Mayor of Stillwater, New York, Rick Nelson was plead guilty to five counts of possession of child pornography of children less than 16 years of age.
Democratic Former Mayor of Clayton, New York, Dale Kenyon, was indicted for sexual acts against a teenager.
Democratic Former Mayor of Hubbard, Ohio, Richard Keenan, was given a life sentence in jail for raping a 4-year-old girl.
Democratic Former Mayor of Winston, Oregeon, Kenneth Barrett, was arrested for setting up a meeting to have sex with a 14-year-old girl who turned out to be a police officer.
Democratic Former Mayor of Randolph, Nebraska, Dwayne L. Schutt, was arrested and charged with four counts of felony third-degree sexual assault of a child and one count of intentional child abuse.
Democratic Former Mayor of Dawson, Georgia, Christopher Wright, was indicted on the charges of aggravated child molestation, aggravated sodomy, rape, child molestation and statutory rape of an 11-year-old boy and a 12-year-old girl.
Democratic Former Mayor of Millbrook, New York, Donald Briggs, was arrested and charged with inappropriate sexual contact with a person younger than 17.
Democratic party leader for Victoria County, Texas, Stephen Jabbour, plead guilty to possession and receiving over half a million child pornographic images.
Democratic activist and fundraiser, Terrence Bean, was arrested on charges of sodomy and sex abuse in a case involving a 15-year-old boy and when the alleged victim declined to testify, and the judge dismissed the case.
Democratic Party Chairman for Davidson County, Tennessee, Rodney Mullin, resigned amid child pornography allegations. Democratic activist, Andrew Douglas Reed, pleaded guilty to a multiple counts of 2nd-degree sexual exploitation of a minor for producing child pornography.
Democratic official from Terre Haute, Indiana, David Roberts was sentenced to federal prison for producing and possessing child pornography including placing hidden cameras in the bedrooms and bathrooms at a home he shared with two minor female victims.
Democratic California Congressman, Tony Cárdenas, is being sued in LA County for allegedly sexually abused a 16-year-old girl. Democratic aide to Senator Barbara Boxer, Jeff Rosato, plead guilty to charges of trading in child pornography.
Democratic Alaskan State Representative, Dean Westlake, resigned from his seat after the media published a report alleging he fathered a child with a 16-year-old girl when he was 28. Democratic New Jersey State Assemblyman, Neil Cohen, was convicted of possession and distribution of child pornography.
Democratic (later turned Republican) Senator Strom Thurmond, a notable racist, had sex with a 15-year old black girl which produced a child.
LibertarianGreen
Edit: Not everyone on this list is a politician. Some political activists are included.
If there are any other individuals that belong on this list and aren't, please let me know so we can get them added.
Edit 2: I realized that I just copy and pasted these links from another user's posts, and have not independently verified each of these claims myself. If anyone sees someone on this list that shouldn't be, please DM me so I can have them removed. Though after randomly checking a few of the names, it appears that these are all legitimate cases.

Hi all,
This is my submission for the Platinum Pass Challenge. If you don't care about my story and just want to read about the game, go down to Pot-Limit Traverse.
About Me
My name is Christopher. I’m 20 years old and I study computer science and math at Indiana University.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved games. In elementary school, this manifested itself as an obsession with chess. During this time, I attended tournaments on a regular basis and spent substantial time practicing, studying, and playing the game. As I got older, my relative skill in chess dwindled, and I stopped competing in large tournaments. I continued to play casually with friends and the local community.
In high school, some chess-loving friends and I started a chess club at a local underprivileged elementary school. Here, we were able to kindle a passion for chess in 4th, 5th, and 6th graders. This experience taught me how chess can be a force in fostering passion and intellectual focus for otherwise distracted youth. I would highly encourage elementary schools to consider starting chess clubs or similar programs. To this day, I regularly play chess online and with friends.
Poker has been a presence in my life since middle school. I vividly remember sneaking cards into science class and playing $.01/.02 with my fellow degenerates. We played everywhere we could -- at home, at lunch, on the bus. I loved the intellectual challenge that the game provided: what were my odds, what did my opponent have, what was my opponent thinking? I spent hours watching shows like High Stakes Poker and Poker After Dark and trying to learn from them (warning: do NOT attempt to play like Phil Hellmuth at home!).
During fall semester of 2017, I became seriously obsessed with poker. I devoured multiple strategy books in the span of a month and watched dozens of hours of videos. I began 2-tabling micro stakes online (how thrilling it was to move up to 25NL!) and spent every waking hour thinking about poker. In spring 2018, I decided I wasn’t going to spend my summer at a software internship. When the semester ended in May, I packed my bags and headed to Miami to play poker, full-time, for the summer.
By far, it was the best and most profitable 3 months of my life; but when August came rolling around, I returned to Bloomington, books, and my boring old life.
Pot-Limit Traverse
Pot-Limit Traverse (PLT) is a 2-player, hidden information, card game. Like Texas Hold’em, the goal is to create the best 5-card hand. The rules of the game are as follows:

1. Each player is dealt 2 face-down hole cards. 2 community cards are dealt face-up (both players can use these cards). The 5x5 square of draft cards are dealt face-up.
2. Each player antes 1 blind. There is a round of betting. Betting works just like it does in PLO (pot-limit, unlimited bets, forfeit the hand if you fold.) The dealer (P1) acts first. It is recommended to play this game sufficiently deep-stacked (>40 blinds).
3. The draft round begins. P1 picks any card from the bottom row. From here, it is P2’s turn, and the rules are as follows:
4. Cards you pick remain face up, and may be used to create a 5-card hand.
5. After picking a card, alternate turns.
6. You may only take a card that is directly above, below, or adjacent to the last picked card. No skipping holes.
7. If the last picked card was on the top or an edge of the draft square, you may choose to end the draft phase instead of picking a card.
8. If you have no legal moves, the draft phase ends.
9. The final betting round occurs, starting with P1.
10. Showdown: players reveal their cards, and the best 5-card poker hand wins. Cards are returned to the deck, the deck is shuffled, the dealer button changes, and a new round begins.

​
Elements of Poker and Chess
Obviously, hidden information and betting play a huge role in this game. If, during the draft phase, you realize that you can’t win, it is beneficial to take cards that will let you represent strong hands. Then, you can bluff during the last betting phase. Combinatorics are interesting, since the board contains 25 “blockers” that both players can see.
On the other hand, the predetermined board makes this game similar to chess. You have to be looking many moves ahead, and considering what your opponent will do if you take a certain card. Try playing a few hands with the hole cards revealed -- you'll discover that the thought process you use is very similar to that of chess. Experienced chess players will be able to use their “looking-ahead” and “board-evaluation” skills to map out multiple paths that they can take, and will choose the best move accordingly.
I won't give any more strategy advice; you'll have to discover the intricacies of the game yourself!
Conclusion
Pot-Limit Traverse is easy to learn but hard to master. While some boards might be simpler than others, the skill ceiling overall is similar to poker or chess -- good players must be able to look many moves ahead, evaluate positions, be balanced, understand relative hand strength, consider blockers, and analyze their opponents play.
Most importantly, PLT is fun. I’ve taught it to both my poker friends and my chess friends, and both groups genuinely enjoy playing the game. It’s a great way for chess players to transition into betting games.
PLT may not use chess pieces or have a flop, but I implore you to spend a few minutes and play a few hands. You’ll discover the beauty and richness of the game and its similarities to chess and poker.
​

[Very long, but I know you have nothing better to do] [EDIT: Tried to fix formatting. And for those who live in terrible places - take a joke!]
When NBA players reach the rare points of their careers when they actually have the unfettered discretion to choose where they want to live and play basketball, they choose different places for different reasons. Where would he have the best opportunity to contend for a championship? Who can pay him the most money? Where can he be the number one option and play the way he wants to play? Who has the best coach and front office? Which city has the best weather? Which city has the best clubs? The best strip clubs? Proximity to models? Proximity to Kardashians? Where did he grow up?
Recently, every slight compliment that Kevin Durant bestows on a team or a town leads to wild speculation of where he will play next season. As the biggest free agent since Lebron took his talents to South Beach in 2010 and since he took his somewhat fading talents back to Lake Erie in 2014, there is good reason to speculate about KD’s future. In all likelihood, his carefully crafted decision will lead to five years of playing for the Larry O’Brien trophy no matter which jersey he dons.
The complexities of the Collective Bargaining Agreement, the increasing intelligence of most front offices in the league (sorry Sacramento), and the ability to be marketable from anywhere in a globalized economy have changed the way that players make decisions. It is no longer about forcing yourself to the biggest market, which historically, have been the places where a player was most likely to win. A monstrous television deal that will only increase in the next couple of years has leveled the playing field. As has a CBA where a team actually has to plan and make smart decisions to manage their salary cap situation.
But let’s pretend that it’s just about the city and the history of the franchise (but not the active basketball operations, coach and players. So – for example – we can say Michael Jordan played there! But, we cannot factor in Fred Hoiberg, the general current management of the team or the fact that you can play with Jimmy Butler). All else being equal – which NBA locations/teams are the most attractive to NBA players? Remember, we are looking at this from the perspective of young millionaires.
BIG CITY, BRIGHT LIGHTS:

Los Angeles Lakers

It used to be like the rap wars of the mid-1990s. East Coast or West Coast? Biggie or Pac? New York or L.A.? Los Angeles had Hollywood opportunities (What if I told you that you get play a 7 foot genie, star alongside Francis Capra and Da Brat and be directed by the genius behind The Cutting Edge and three episodes of Miami Vice?) Jack Nicholson watching courtside, young actresses (and aspiring ones) flooding the Forum Club and then Hyde at the Staples Center. You could have a mansion in Beverly Hills or on the Strand in Manhattan Beach. A player could enjoy the finest well-done steaks at Mastro’s.
Or you could live in a Park Avenue penthouse. Give high-fives to Jay-Z. Get your boy a guest spot on Law & Order SVU. 4:00 a.m. nights with models in Tribeca and SOHO. And most importantly, being in the center of the media universe could make you as marketable as…Patrick Ewing?
But times have changed. In the age of Twitter and Vine, League Pass, and nationally televised games, no matter where you are, players don’t needNew York. They don’t need L.A. But they still want L.A. The perfect weather and the pull of Hollywood, which remains the epicenter of the entertainment industry. A place where you can blend in and be afforded a little more privacy because residents are more excited by encounters with Jax fromVanderpump Rules.
Los Angeles remains the place where you can play for one of the two most storied teams in the league, while being able to roll along Pacific Coast Highway in a convertible maroon Bentley on a 78 degree January afternoon.
It is the Lakers history that puts L.A. at the top. Veterans grew up watching the late Magic years. Younger players grew up watching the Kobe-Shaq dynasty or the Kobe-Pau years. The games under the Showtime lighting, framed yellow jerseys and 16 championship banners just feel different. It is one thing to be an NBA player. It is a whole other to be a Laker.

Miami Heat

It’s pretty much Los Angeles, but with the occasional hurricane, worse humidity, and Cuban telenovelas instead of big-budget motion pictures. Miami still has the beach and the clear and beautiful warm waters of South Florida. NBA players love neon lights and other bright shit, making South Beach a favorite. There are the palm trees and the waterfront mansions. A player can still date models. Prime 112 has tempura lobster (A Jalen Rose favorite).
Alonzo Mourning and the late 1990s teams brought legitimacy to a new organization. Dwyane Wade and Pat Riley turned them into a premiere franchise and Lebron and the big-three era catapulted the Heat to arguably becoming the most marquee NBA franchise, other than the Lakers and Spurs, in the post-Jordan era.
Also, in case you forgot every Cribs episode, never underestimate an NBA player’s adoration for Scarface.
BIG CITY, NOT AS BRIGHT LIGHTS:

Los Angeles Clippers

Basically the Lakers, but with selfies hanging inside Staples instead of championship banners and nostalgia for Eric Piatkowski instead of Magic Johnson.
The trash organization gained legitimacy when the NBA evicted their slumlord owner and brought in a tech billionaire whose products are not used by a single person in Los Angeles, most of whom are working on Broad City spec scripts at their local coffee shop.
The marketability factor is still present with opportunities for players to be the king of insurance or mid-tier Korean family sedans.
It’s still Los Angeles and a player can always go out on Sunset and pretend he is on the Lakers.

New York Knicks

We pretend the Knicks are the unheralded kings of free agency. That everyone dreams of playing at the Garden and living in New York. But unless you grew up in the five boroughs - no one liked Ewing, Starks, Oak and Anthony Mason (RIP). Most NBA players would not know if Bernard King played on the Knicks between 1983-1987 or 1963-1967. The oldest active player in the NBA (the professor, Andre Miller) was born approximately three years AFTER the Knicks last won an NBA championship. Sorry, the Knicks aren’t a premiere NBA organization. And this is without even mentioning James Dolan.
And - contrary to popular opinion - New York City is not the premiere place to live if you are an NBA superstar. A player would rather live in a sprawling 8,000 square foot mansion with a regulation sized basketball court, shark tank, nine-hole golf course, and a Ritz Carlton quality pool than pay $10 million for a 2,000 square foot apartment or brownstone.
Your average NBA player would rather eat at The Cheesecake Factory than the awesome hole-in-the-wall Pho spot or David Chang’s latest Michelin rated restaurant.
NBA players aren’t known to spend Saturday afternoons strolling the Museum of Modern Art or checking out trendy and provocative performance art projects in Bushwick warehouses.
It isn’t 1981, so nearly every NBA city has some semblance of nightlife where a player can enjoy a bottle of Dom P, VIP area, and have a flock of jersey-chasers clamoring for attention.
NBA players don’t fuck with the Subway.
New York is really cold during approximately 80% of the NBA regular season.
But even though I spent approximately 300 words shitting on New York, it’s still New York. Just ask JR Smith.
[NOTE – THIS ABOVE PARAGRAPH DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU IF YOU ARE MARRIED TO LA LA].

Brooklyn Nets

The team’s history is buried in a swamp in New Jersey. The legacy of the team since it has moved to Brooklyn centers around former stars who were collective decades removed from their primes.
NBA players are not Lena Dunham.
It’s still New York, but not quite.
Basically the New York Clippers.
Having a Russian Oligarch multi-billionaire for an owner is pretty cool.
NOT L.A. OR MIAMI, BUT THE WEATHER IS NICE

Houston Rockets

It’s hot. There is good food and lots of chain restaurants. Huge houses for cheap and no state taxes. Paul Wall, Mike Jones (who?) and Chamillionaire were at the height of their popularity when most of these guys were in junior high and high school.
Hakeem might help you with your footwork.
Allegedly, great strip clubs.

Dallas Mavericks

It’s hot. There are quality steakhouses and lots of chain restaurants. Huge houses for cheap and no state taxes. Unfortunately, no strong rap history.
No one to help you with your footwork, but Cuban provides the best perks (remember when he put a Playstation 2 in every player’s locker back in 2002?)
A lot of players are Dallas Cowboys fans because they are front-running assholes who grew up with the Irvin, Emmett and Aikman teams.
Allegedly, great strip clubs.
And if Chandler Parsons chose to play there you know it is a good time.

Phoenix Suns

It’s really hot. There are lots of chain restaurants. Huge houses for cheap, but there are state taxes. Unfortunately, no strong rap history.
NBA players treat Phoenix as if it is a distant suburb of Los Angeles.
Few models, but plenty of surgically enhanced cleavage and Arizona State Coeds.
More NBA players than you think golf.
Pool parties where players can wear socks, rubber Nike sandals, and two pairs of oversized basketball shorts.
The Steve Nash teams revolutionized basketball and rescued the NBA from the 84-79 point games era. Barkley took them to the Finals against Jordan and maybe a player can get invited to his poker game (hope he makes a max-level salary!)

Orlando Magic

Players have been known to live on lakes and jet-ski to each other’s houses to play Madden, which sounds like exactly the kind of life I would have liked to have led when I was 17.
The weather is really nice and it’s almost tropical.
It’s basically Miami, but rednecks instead of Latin people and New York retirees, lakes instead of the ocean, and strip malls and Disney World instead of any semblance of nightlife. Those D12 teams were underrated (beat Lebron in his prime), but no one has ever said “Dwight Howard did it, so you know it is a good idea.” Some goodwill remains from the Penny-Shaq era. Everyone forgets that T-Mac and Grant Hill played here.
THE CITIES THAT SHOULD BE HIGHER

Atlanta Hawks

It is a mystery why Atlanta is not a more popular NBA city. You would think Atlanta would be at the center of the Venn diagram of where rappers and NBA players want to live. But apparently, NBA players don’t care too much about fraternizing with 2 Chainz, Outkast, Ludacris, Jermaine Dupri, Gucci Mane, Lil Jon, and Young Jeezy.
It isn’t San Diego, but the weather is nice. The food is good. You can buy a Southern estate for about the price of a condo in Inglewood. You might be able to get a cameo on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Freaknik is in Atlanta, even though its heyday has long since passed.
It’s at the top of the list of where traveling NBA players play like shit. Atlanta has arguably the best clubs of NBA cities that are not Los Angeles, New York, or Miami.
Of course, I have to bring up The Gold Club, where you can feel free to hang around a little bit and talk to them, then leave.
It’s one of the two major African-American metropoles in the country.
Highlights of the Hawks history are basically limited to the 2015 team getting swept in the conference finals, that time Joe Johnson hit a three, and Dominique Wilkins almost (he should have) beating MJ in the 1988 dunk contest. Maybe that’s why guys don’t want to play here.

Washington Wizards

Affectionately nicknamed Chocolate City.
But basketball has really never mattered in DC outside of Georgetown hoops.
THEY ARE REALLY GOOD AT BASKETBALL, BUT THAT’S ABOUT IT:

San Antonio Spurs

What would San Antonio be without the Spurs? The answer is El Paso. No one wants to live in El Paso.
This is a good reminder that this list does not consider the strength of the present-day organization, but it does factor in the history of the organization.
Therefore, the Spurs get a bump for having five titles, four of which no one cares much about. There’s a better chance of Fox News covering a Bernie Sanders rally than Hardwood Classics ever airing a game from the New Jersey Nets and San Antonio Spurs 2003 Finals.
San Antonio is, in essence, Dallas or Houston, but they tend to fare worse in the most obese cities rankings, more residents speak Spanish, and the chain restaurants are next to a dirty river.
I am not sure any NBA players remember the Alamo.
REMEMBER THAT WE ARE NOT FACTORING IN STEPH CURRY:

Golden State Warriors

Two years ago you would probably agree with this placement. Now you probably think I am insane, stupid or both.
But in my completely arbitrary and not very well contemplated rules for this exercise, you don’t get to factor in playing with Steph and company, but you do get to factor in the insane current popularity of the franchise, which has been propelled by Steph and company. So – ummm – make sense?
Until this ongoing Warriors run, Golden State was akin to Milwaukee west.
The years of Run TMC were all too brief and the most prominent superstar (before Steph) claimed by this franchise shot free throws underhand and is widely regarded as the most despised Top-50 player and champion in league history.
And as much as tech-bros are popularizing Northern California, NBA players aren’t exactly swayed by the most European of NBA cities. Other than Boris Diaw and Tony Parker, not many NBA guys would enjoy a nice red at a sidewalk café on a foggy San Francisco afternoon and coordinate team day-trips to Napa.
BIG CITIES, SHIT IT’S COLD:

Chicago Bulls

The greatest of all-time wore number 23. No NBA team’s identity is as much ingrained in the image of a single player. The Lakers are the Lakers even without one of Kareem, West, Wilt, Magic, Shaq, or Kobe. The Celtics are the Celtics even without one of Bill Russell, Bird, KG, or Pierce.
The Bulls are the Timberwolves without Jordan. MJ has rewritten the history of the franchise so extensively that people forget that they were one of the league’s most dogshit franchises when they drafted Jordan out of North Carolina.
To play in Chicago is to follow in Jordan’s footsteps, but unfortunately, the shadow he casts is so large that players are hesitant to fill those Air Jordan’s. Lebron – allegedly – scoffed when Chicago’s pitch to him in 2010 was exactly that. The Bulls sent him a pair of Jordans with an accompanying message: “Do you dare to fill these shoes?” We know how he answered. “Fuck no!” And that seems to be the attitude that modern superstars hold.
Why would I go to a team where – no matter what I do and how many championships I win – I’ll never be Michael?
Chicago is the pride of the prairie. It’s the grandest American city outside of L.A. or NYC. But it is also the windy city and the most frigid big city in the country, where gusts off of Lake Michigan will literally pain your bones. Unless you are an opera connoisseur, it doesn’t hold much appeal over many of the NBA’s mid-sized cities.
There’s a reason in Kanye West’s Good Life, he raps: “The good life, it feel like Atlanta, it feel like L.A., it feel like Miami. It feel like N.Y., summertime Chi, ahhh, now throw your hands up in the sky.”
Summertime Chi. As in – great place to play for the Cubs! But stay the fuck away during the NBA season.

Boston Celtics

How can the team with the most championships in NBA history be as low as 15? Why are the Celtics ranked below the Bulls when they have 11 more titles?
Because even though Boston has the richest basketball history in the NBA, it also has - well - Boston history. Just ask Bill Russell about that.
Even if Boston is a more friendly city to African-Americans in 2016 than the city was in 1966, it still has never been a free agent destination. The recent Big 3 era was orchestrated via trades rather than free agency, even if KG ultimately agreed to join Pierce and Jesus Shuttlesworth to win his first and only ring. But he was apprehensive, even calling Bill Russell to seek advice.
Boston is a tremendous place to live, to go to college or graduate school, to be Irish, and the optimal place to be if you’re a fan of the Dropkick Murphy’s, where bagpipe-punk ballads are bar staples on far more than just St. Patrick’s Day.
Memories of the Garden and Bird and the other several hall-of-famers certainly serves as a strong recruiting factor.
But when New England poet Robert Frost poses the question about two roads diverged in a yellow wood, the NBA millionaire is not going to choose either road that leads to the frigid Boston winters, no matter how pretty the foliage when the season begins.

Toronto Raptors

It is Canada. Which is not the United States. Which means it is a pain in the ass to deal with currency conversion. And you have to file taxes (which are higher in Canada) in two separate countries.
Toronto is possibly the most metropolitan and lively large North American city outside of New York. Because I have not been to Toronto as an adult, I Googled the best clubs in the city to get a feel for how well those Canada nights complement the life of an NBA star. Number one as of July 2015 was Uniun, which sounds like a failing Vegas club at New York, New York, which not so successfully attempts to emulate some chic Manhattan spot. Here is the description: “Owned by the Ariana Grande of the Toronto club scene, Charles Khabouth…” So yeah, apparently a Lebanese Canadian club owner and hotelier in his fifties is the Ariana Grande of the Toronto club scene. Makes sense.
Some other Union gems:
BEERS ON TAP: None, but bottles of Heineken, Coors, Corona, and Molson Canadian.
BAR SNACKS: None as of yet.
WHO GOES THERE: Dressed-up fans of electronic music, beautiful people in their 20s and 30s.
That place sounds TERRIBLE. I bet Jonas Valanciunas has a standing table reservation.
In Toronto, English is still the primary language. While perhaps too similar to the Bratislava clubs in Eurotrip, there are numerous nightlife options. There is an abundance of diversity. Most importantly for NBA players, there is a Benihana!
But it is cold. Really cold. Like colder than Boston, Chicago or New York cold. And if you’re learning anything from this list, it’s that NBA players do not like being in the cold. Which is a primary reason that the Western Conference has been dominant for two decades.
Even if NBA players have a debaucherous time on the road when traveling up to The North - it’s hard to shake the perceptions that are formed in childhood. And nearly every NBA player grew up thinking of Canada, even places like Toronto, as an uninhabited frozen wasteland with the occasional igloo and Eskimo.
Three years ago Toronto would be ten spots lower on this list, but it’s helpful to have your ambassador and biggest celebrity fan be the most popular rapper on the planet. Drake might be worth more to this franchise than Lebron is worth to Cleveland.
MEMPHIS:

Memphis Grizzlies

It’s a smaller town than the warmer cities listed above and the weather is less desirable. It’s one of the top cities for BBQ in the country, and perhaps, the best of any NBA city. Beale Street is apparently fun.
It is more of a blue-collar city than NBA players typically prefer, but at least it is not in the Rust Belt.
It is rated higher than similarly sized and geographically located cities Charlotte and New Orleans because the grit & grind era gave Memphis a distinct basketball identity that resonates with fans. The three most exhilarating things currently in the NBA are Russell Westbrook attacking the rim at full speed, Steph Curry pulling up from 40 and the Memphis PA system bumping Whoop That Trick during a crucial fourth quarter playoffs timeout.
If only NBA players were bigger fans of Elvis.
THE GREAT OUTDOORS:

Portland Trailblazers

The last remaining frontier of professional basketball in the Great American Northwest. Portland, as a city, has undergone a surge of popularity among America’s twenty-somethings, inspiring such articles as the Washington Post’s Why quirky Portland is winning the battle for young college grads.
Oregon has lakes, streams, rivers, trees and picturesque mountains. It also has one of America’s most infamous foodie scenes and thousands of clones of young Bill Walton, albeit the political and socially-conscious new anti-yuppies of Portland lack The Big Redhead’s size and athletic ability. But riding a fixie bike does keep those quads strong.
While natural scenic beauty and hiking have not historically been strong sellers to NBA free agents, Portland - or at least nearby Beaverton - does have one thing that turns the heads of young athletes…The Swoosh.
The Blazers also boast an NBA title, one of the better logo/color scheme combinations in professional sports, a devoted cult-like local following, and hall-of-famers across multiple generations.
If only it did not rain so fucking much.

Denver Nuggets

I’d personally rather live in Denver than any NBA city outside of Los Angeles, but I reckon I enjoy snowboarding, the mountains and IPAs more than your average professional basketball player.
My team-building strategy for the Nuggets would be to target all Euro stars and convince them that living in the mile high city is like residing in an eighties ski movie, which it probably is for Gallinari. Vail and Aspen are surely suitable stand-ins for the Swiss Alps.
I would also try to work on getting Kendrick Lamar a residency at Red Rocks.
Unfortunately, among the most forgotten teams and players from the eighties were the really fun Fat Lever and Alex English led scoring machines. Fresh in the minds of most players is Melo’s slow and painful mid-season exit and there’s no other recent period in Nuggets history which serves as a draw for free agents.
But once the NBA gets out of the weed regulation business and ceases testing for non-performance enhancing drugs and non-narcotics, you can go ahead and bump the Nugs up a spot or ten.
THE PROCESS:

Philadelphia 76ers

The city of brotherly love is the fifth largest United States city. But just because it is big doesn’t mean that there is anything notable about the town. No one talks about the restaurants or the bars or the museums or anything that has really happened since the 18th century. There is the liberty bell, so that’s cool? Most people only know about Philadelphia because of Ben Franklin book reports in fourth grade.
Alllen Iverson was just interviewed by Complex Magazine and said his favorite thing to do in Philly was go to TGI Fridays.
But people remember Dr. J and Moses Malone. And more recently, Allen Iverson had his best years in Philly and brought them to the Finals and I am not going to underestimate AI’s impact, as he is up there with Jordan as one of the most iconic and culturally transformative players to ever pick up an orange ball.
Too bad Sam Hinkie has worked his hardest to demolish a once proud franchise’s reputation.
At least Philadelphia is not Milwaukee or Detroit.
NICE CLIMATE, TOO REGIONAL:

New Orleans Pelicans

I don’t have a lot of history to go on here, since The Big Easy has been a permanent NBA town for about a decade.
It seems like a pleasant enough place to live. It is inexpensive. The cuisine is excellent. You can hear the best Jazz of your life on an unassuming street corner. You can legally walk down the street with a drink in your hand. You can legally gamble. No one seems to mind if you urinate outside a bar in the French Quarter at five in the morning. There are Southern mansions and a quieter life available in the burbs. Cash Money records reps the 504, but unfortunately, I’m not sure Lil Wayne carries the same weight in 2016 as he did when he ruled the aughts. There’s an NCIS here now.
The weather is mostly mild during the NBA season, but the worst natural disaster in United States history likely still looms large in player’s minds.
Even if it is home to Mardi Gras and is essentially the Vegas of the American South, it’s still a very small town and that historically has not played well with NBA dudes.
I just have the feeling it’s more likely for a player’s bachelor party than it is as a permanent residence. But New Orleans’ place on this list should be revisited in five or so years.

Charlotte Hornets

Everyone in Charlotte is a bank teller, financial analyst at a large commercial bank, works for the Federal Reserve or worships at the altar of Dale Earnhardt. I am surprised that the professional sports teams in the state don’t have a permanent 3 patched onto the breast of the team jerseys.
Charlotte is where SEC and ACC grads end up if they didn’t get jobs in Atlanta.
Other than middle-management at a regional office and NASCAR, when I think of Charlotte, one other thing comes to mind - college hoops. Jordan, Worthy, Stackhouse, Vince, Sheed and Dean Smith. Tar Heels versus Blue Devils.
Pro basketball has already died once in Charlotte, but was singlehandedly resurrected by the greatest basketball player of all-time who just so happened to be from the state. If MJ was raised in Detroit, L.A. or Chicago, the Charlotte Hornets would be the Seattle Sonics 2.0 or the Kansas City Jayhawks.
But every male between 30 and 35 years old, no matter where they grew up in the U.S., had a teal Hornets Starter Jacket. If the Hornets want to increase their free agency rankings, they need to go back to their early-to-mid 90s LJ and Zo throwback attire. They also need to make Grandmama the permanent mascot.
And at least for the next five to seven years - the front office can lure free agents with 50 yard line seats to see Cam Newton.
FACTORY TOWNS AND KIND OF A CALIFORNIA TOWN:

Detroit Pistons

The epicenter of the desolate remains of once proud American manufacturing. If you sign with the Pistons, they may be able to hook you up with a good deal on a Ford Explorer.
Living options are between a dilapidated warehouse in downtown Detroit or a 10,000 square foot mansion in a Pleasantville-esque suburb, which are similar to the Northside burbs of Chicago, but if Chicago itself no longer existed and it was even colder.
But the Pistons do well with adopting the persona of Detroit toughness. From the Bad Boys to the Billups-Rip-Tayshaun-Sheed-Ben Wallace squad.
So a player can feel good about being perceived as a badass, but will soon learn why everyone respects his toughness and resilience, he has to live in Detroit.

Sacramento Kings

It sounds appealing to work and live in the capital of California, until you realize that the capital of California is Sacramento.
The current Kings arena – Sleep Train (formerly Arco) – is located in a cow pasture.
The best thing about Sacramento is the approximate 100 mile distance to Lake Tahoe and 90 mile distance to San Francisco. When your best selling point is being located not that far away from better places, it does not speak all that highly about your city. Sacramento…at least we’re not Barstow.
The Maloof bros sold, so there is no longer access to free Vegas depravity.
The Webber-Bibby-Peja-Vlade years were fun, but the franchise has since slowly slid into complete chaos and incompetence.
They should just ditch the new digs and move to Orange County (which would immediately be a top three free agent destination), where players can live in Newport and Laguna Beach and not have to wait until retirement to hit on cougars at Javier’s.

Indiana Pacers

Reggie Miller scoring eight points in nine seconds and miming the choking sign to Spike Lee single-handedly keeps the Pacers out of the bottom of the barrel.
Aside from Hoosiers, Bobby Knight, Peyton Manning before the neck, Andrew Luck, Parks and Recreation, the beginning of The Jackson 5 and the non-NASCAR kind of racing, I don’t know much about Indiana. I know Notre Dame is in South Bend, but the Irish pretty much exist independently of the State.
Apparently you can fish there, which Roy Hibbert and Paul George taught us that a friendly team fishing expedition can heal deep wounds.
So…here we are. Indiana!

Cleveland Cavaliers

I’ll start with the obvious – if I was factoring in playing with Lebron, the Cavs would be near the top of these rankings. Although, Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving might argue differently.
Before Lebron Round One, the most iconic Cavs moment was Jordan nailing the double-pump, buzzer beating jumper in the 1989 playoffs and sending Craig Ehlo crying to his knees.
During the early Lebron years, the Cavs are most remembered for wilting twice in the playoffs and being subsequently deserted by The King for the number two squad on this list.
Cleveland rests on the shores of water so disgusting and polluted, that Lake Erie has caught on fire MULTIPLE times, including the 1969 Cuyohoga fire that played a major role in inspiring the formation of the EPA and the Clean Water Act of 1972. That same fire even had a cameo in Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax.
The stench of failure is so strong in Cleveland that the Indians were the franchise chosen to be featured in Major League. Other than Jim Brown, Otto Graham and Lebron, Roger Dorn is probably the city’s most treasured professional athlete.
At least there is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which is basically a Hard Rock Café without the food.
ONE DAY WE SHALL FIND OUT:

Oklahoma City Thunder

One of my good friends and former college roommates is from Oklahoma City. His dad is an incredibly nice and smooth man who happens to own an oil and gas business and whose world view is equally shaped by attending college in Austin in the 1970s. If he were so inclined, I’d let him frack in my living room.
Here is what he has to say about living in Oklahoma City: We may not have the beach and we may not have the mountains, but people sure smile and say hello when you pass them on the street.
While it may have warmth and friendly strangers, I don’t know if that is enough for NBA free agents. And until Durant and Westbrook are no longer in the Sooner State, we will not find out.
THAT KG FELLA WAS REAL TENACIOUS, DON’T YA KNOW?:

Minnesota Timberwolves

It is cold in Detroit. It is cold in Milwaukee. It is cold in Chicago. But only one United States city has an entire downtown system of enclosed pedestrian footbridges (Minneapolis Skyway System), so residents can walk in a climate-controlled environment year round. How fucking freezing does it have to be for a city to build an infrastructure so people never have to feel the outside air?
Minneapolis is one of the more underrated American cities, but that designation mostly applies between Memorial and Labor Day. A July day on Lake Minnetonka is a Kenny Powers wet dream.
But unless you’re an ice fishing enthusiast, there are better places for the young and absurdly rich to spend their winters.
It does not help that the most notable retired former Timberwolf is Wally Szczerbiak.
Light Beer and Sausages:

Milwaukee Bucks

Kareem played here, but after six seasons, forced a trade to the Lakers. In return, the Bucks received four guys I am certain you have never heard of. Oscar Robertson played here, but played the majority of his prime in Cincinnati. Ray Allen played here, but was traded after six and a half seasons along with a collection of spare parts for old Gary Payton (who left the next offseason) and Desmond Mason (who would play two more seasons for the Bucks). Expect to see the Bucks trade Giannis in three years for Deron Williams and Frank Kaminsky.
The Bucks did have one of the better forgotten runs in NBA history between the 1970 and 1974 seasons, where they won an average of nearly 61 games per year. Their 1971 championship run led by Kareem and The Big O was among the most dominant in history, where they went 12-2 through the playoffs including a finals sweep.
Most outside of Milwaukee forget that the Bucks’ success continued after Kareem and Oscar departed, when Sidney Moncrief led them to a decade of near excellence in the Reagan era. But their strong eighties teams have been greatly overshadowed by those great and better 76ers, Celtics and Pistons squads.
As for the rest of Wisconsin - it is shitty beer, the Packers, cheese, Madison and whatever the hell is going on in Manitowoc County.
The New Orleans Jazz Moved to Utah, Where They don’t Allow Music:

Utah Jazz

The State of Utah is about 61% Mormon and 91% white. Approximately 1.27% of the population is African-American. No other U.S. state that has an NBA team has a smaller African-American population.
If the Jazz could guarantee the NBA players/budding film producers that their projects would be admitted to Sundance, they might be able to field a dangerous team. A Baron Davis/Kobe/Lebron core could perhaps secure the 7th seed in the West.
The Jazz do boast a rich history and a rabid fan base. But the very smart and talented front office knows that they operate in Utah, so they are better served building through the draft, where you can retain players against their will.